Nursing Woes

Peter snoozin in his sling!

My friend Dora loves to say "Easy to say, hard to do" and she is usually right. This time, I am finding myself finding it hard to follow all the advice I often give others when it comes to breast feeding. Actually, I can write this today because I had someone give me all that advice just last night and I took it to heart and Peter fed all night and this morning beautifully... but back to before last night...

Peter didn't seem to be getting enough milk, mainly due to his poor latching so I pumped some... and gave it to him in a bottle - BAD!!! Don't do this unless completely necessary because everyone in the know on the breastfeeding train knows this can cause nipple confusion or least a desire not to work so hard to get milk from the breast... that silicone nipple is just so much easier. Anyway, I rolled the dice and didn't fare well. Between pure exhaustion, worry about my milk supply that was dwindling, and my very sore nipples I gave him expressed milk around the clock to try and pump and get my milk back and give my poor nipples a break - I was crying through feeding and Peter wasn't even getting a full feed because he wasn't latching well. After 2 days of bottle feeding he wouldn't latch at all... oh no! I tried to get him on at each feeding but we both became quickly frustrated and it ended in a bottle of expressed milk and me pumping. The only positive thing was that my milk supply went up from 2 ounces to almost 5 for each feeding! On Sunday afternoon my trusty Doula brought over a breast feeding counselor who showed me some things I didn't know and reminded me of all the things I do know, but may not have been doing. She was awesome. We got Peter latched on for the first time in about 4 days and he fed 10 minutes, but she was helping and he was full from an earlier feeding so the pressure was off. When the next feeding came around it was the same ole story... Peter frustrated, not latching on, and me becoming frustrated and giving up. Exhaustion makes you so mentally weak.

Anne came over again last night. Christie (the pro) was going to come as well but couldn't make it, so Anne just had a heart to heart with me and told me like it was! I love this girl because she is like my voice to myself... she says the right things in a way I can hear them. I can always step back and think... now this is what I would be telling someone else in my shoes and I always get so frustrated when they won't listen... so I decided I was going to listen. So I made some minor changes... no more trying to feed in the chair in the living room... I will stay in the bed alone with Peter, skin to skin and try my best to relax, and sleep as much as possible.

So after a crying fit last night, which i would have given up on normally (but I had Anne to keep me accountable last night) Peter finally latched on and drank his fill. He continued through the night - it was a regular schedule... poop, feed, sleep! Happy am I today that I listened to my Doula! Grace and Lola were easy in retrospect... they didn't have latching problems and I never worried about my milk supply. Peter has tested my resolve (sweetly though I may add - he is such a sweet pea!) I am grateful at this moment because it looks as though the fog is lifting and I come out on the other end with some new knowledge that I hope will help others I encounter along the way. Once again I am humbled, but once again I am blessed.

Thank you Lord for the milk you have supplied in my body for this precious baby boy and thank you for the dear sisters you have brought into my life for this time who have walked beside me and held my hand and spoken truth to me and helped me get it right! You are an awesome God!

Peter is 7 days old...

My sweet boy is one week old today. We had a busy day and he celebrated with a circumcision... sorry my boy! But our pediatrician is so awesome and Peter did so good. I know circumcision is becoming somewhat controversial - we even read on the Drudge report this evening that San Fran may be voting to ban infant circumcision. Oh my, so maybe you are reading this post and are mad at me right now, but I figure if it is good enough for Abraham, Moses, and Jesus then it is definitely good enough for my boy. Now before you go getting all spiritual on me let me say that there is no longer a requirement to be circumcised, but it is still more than a mere tradition. First of all, I really believe that God imposed many laws on His people for their safety. It is proven that circumcision reduces the risk of infection and the spread of STDs. So, it has benefit regardless of religious implications. I am thankful that we are not under the law, we live by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Circumcision has no value alone, and circumcision of the heart is what God is most concerned with anyway. Even Paul urged Gentile believers not to be circumcised lest they be caught in the trap of trying to earn their way to heaven by their deeds. At any rate, Peter got circumcised today. We pray that one day he will trust in our Savior and circumcise his heart, that he may be pure in the eyes of the Lord.
Getting burped by Daddy! Ah... that's better. Thanks Dad.

Pee Pee Tee Pees

I got this great package from my dear friend Janet last month and it was full of clothes and other goodies... my favorite thing by far though is the clever Pee Pee Tee Pee....

I mean somebody should be getting rich off these things, because it is true what everyone says about little boys and a cold draft... you better watch out every time you change a nappy, unless you have a Tee Pee handy. You just cover and rest assured you won't get wet this time! Love it! Thank you Janet - these things are a life saver!

Peter's hearing test

View from the hospital room where Peter had his hearing test. Beautiful!!!


We went to this awesome hospital today - Matilda on the Peak. That is where Peter's pediatrician was today. We went for a check-up and ended up getting blood tests and his hearing test done. The hearing test was something else. I recall the doctor using a tuning fork or something similar to check Gracie and Lola's hearing... but Peter got the high-tech treatment. Of course it took forever because the machine was so sensitive and kept picking up every little electrical wave in the air and the nurse must have reset it 20 times. But, the good news is Peter can hear.

Peter's Arrival: The Birth Story

Proud Mommy and Prouder Daddy... because he also delivered the boy! We are so in love!







Warning: This may be too much for some of you men out there... its a birth story!

Well I am finally holding my precious baby boy in my arms, my right arm actually as I type with my left hand. He is so incredibly perfect! And waiting for his appointed time of arrival was also perfect. God has truly heard all my prayers and given me the desires of my heart. Not at all the way I expected... isn't that just like our Lord! He always gives more than we can ever imagine when we trust and wait on Him. It was a crazy ride and I rode the waves of doubt more than once (you can catch up on previous blogs if you want). In the end, this has been a faith builder for sure. So, after much indecision and waiting....

I woke up at 3 a.m. Wednesday morning to Gracie and Lola screaming as they came to our room. Lola was wet and Gracie was trying to take care of her, in the process of coming to get us Lola scared Gracie who started screaming which scared Lola who also started screaming which woke Matt and I from a deep sleep to a very alert state. Matt took Gracie back to her bed and I changed Lola and let her climb in bed with me. I never went back to sleep. Around 4 I felt a contraction come and go. Nothing interesting. I had contractions almost daily for 4 weeks, usually in the early morning my body would practice for the big day for about an hour, then the contractions would cease. But with ever passing day I began hoping they would continue. On Wednesday I was hoping they would last. I didn't count them or time them, I just waited to see if another would come. I laid awake thinking about everything, how I had been scheduled for an induction the day before and bailed, how Gracie had said Peter would come on Wednesday (the week before), how I was 6 days pass my due date, wondering how much Peter would weigh, wondering if his head was down, thinking about what the outcome might eventually be... at about 5:00 I got up and went to the bathroom and decided to lay back down on Matt's side so I could see the clock. I wasn't sure if the contractions would continue or not.

At 5:06 I had another, 5:16 another, then I fell asleep. I woke up to a contraction and water pouring through my panties onto my thighs and the matress beneath me. Oh yeah! I looked at the clock - 5:27. I began talking softly to Lola Mei asking her to wake up and go get Daddy. She woke up and was a little scared. I told her everything was o.k. Daddy was in Gracie's bed and would she please go get him and tell him to come see Mommy. She did as I asked. I heard Matt talking to her trying to get her to go to bed, so I called out to him. He finally came to the room and I told him my water had broken. I was still in the bed waiting for the next contraction. It came about 10 minutes later. Matt said he would put Lola back to bed - I agreed that was a good idea.

I laid there wondering if Peter's head was engaged? I didn't want to risk cord prolapse. But I knew my water had not been a huge gush, so I figured he was where he was supposed to be. I felt around and after that next contraction had come and gone I decided I would take a quick shower while Matt was putting Lola down. My bag was packed, everything was ready, all I had to do was get dressed and walk out the door, so I figured a shower was a good use of the minutes I had to spare. Little did I know how few those minutes were.

Once in the shower the contractions started coming a little faster and harder, but they weren't lasting long. Matt came in and I told him to call my Doula, Anne, and let her know we were going to the hospital. He looked at me and said we need to hurry. It is almost 6... he was concerned about traffic. I told him to chill it, but I agreed we needed to go!

The contractions just kept coming, I brushed my teeth in the shower and didn't even have time to finish before another came. Arg! Not fun having a contraction with a mouth full of toothpaste! I handed my toothbrush back to Matt and held myself up against the wall of the shower. These contractions were for real! Fast but furious! I hurried to get out of the shower before another came. When I dried myself off I saw the blood. Uh-Oh, bloody show. Things were happening way too fast. I told Matt I thought we better call an ambulance instead of a taxi. I made my way to the toilet to pee and my water continued to leak. We discovered we didn't know the number for EMS, we were trying the China numbers. We called Anne back and Matt got the number. I talked to Anne for a second until another contraction came at which point I couldn't do much more than moan. She said she was coming to our flat! Matt got in touch with EMS. I moaned! I was hovering over the toilet, scared to sit down thinking opening up my pelvis over toilet might not lead to a good outcome. The contractions were coming so fast Matt couldn't keep up with timing them.

Two cops arrived first. Thankfully, Matt had put my Mavs t-shirt over my head between contractions... that first cop looked a bit shocked to see a foreigner half naked, very pregnant, standing in the bathroom. I was leaning on the counter for support and didn't think I could move. Another contraction came and I moaned... the police were clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Mackie was up now and I could hear her talking, but I can't remember anything she said except to tell us the paramedics were here. They came in and started asking questions. I asked for a glove. I felt for Peter's head and there it was, I guessed I was at a -2 station or less, but one thing I was sure of was that I wasn't going to make it to the hospital. I told Matt he was coming!

Matt wanted me out of the bathroom. Anne arrived sometime during that transition. It must have been 6:30 or so. I have no idea. I waited until the next contraction came and went and scurried to the bed. A paramedic put a lined pad on the bed... I commented that that was nice. I knew I was about to make a mess! I was planning to climb to the head of the bed and squat with my back against some pillows, but I didn't make it. Another contraction caught me on all fours and that is how I remained. The paramedic who could speak some English said he could take us to the hospital and deliver the baby in the ambulance if needed. Uh, no that didn't sound very good to me. I told Matt the baby was coming. He told the audience lined up next to the bed that we were going to have to do it here.

I remembered that I had put clean washcloths in my suitcase and asked Matt to get them. Mackie got some hot water and Anne prepared a washcloth to put on my perineum. I told Matt what to do, but the water wasn't hot enough. More hot water, more washcloths and I felt better about it. I was trying to instruct Matt in the art of protecting the perineum. He was good. I would squeal through a contraction, "Support the perineum!" It is rather funny now, but it was all I could do to get a word out, much less instructions. "Harder, hands flatter, on the sides, more hot water..." I did not want to tear! My doctor had done a sufficient job in scaring me into thinking the worst could happen... tearing, shoulder dysplasia, uterine rupture.... at this point I was only thinking about having to be stitched up later and didn't want any part of that. So I kept screaming through the contractions - and Matt kept doing his job and then the urge to push kept getting stronger and stronger! I have never had that sensation before... it was incredible. Not so strong at the beginning contraction, but Matt said he could see the head crowning. Wow! Then I let the urge guide me and I started pushing. Matt said he could feel Peter's head pushing up against the washcloth.

He moved the washcloth but kept supporting my perineum to keep Peter from just popping out. Another push and Peter was out. I heard Matt say, "Peter, my son!" I am sure he was crying, but I couldn't see him. I heard suctioning..... that was good. That was the only thing the paramedic did throughout the whole delivery. Good job! Now for the shoulders. Now you can guess I was thinking through how to instruct Matt through this part in the case Peter's shoulders got stuck. I waited for the next contraction. It came and I beared down with all I had. Peter was born - no problem, although I was sure I had split myself in two. WOW!

I stayed on all fours, Matt was holding Peter behind me wondering how to get him to me... I told him to pass Peter through my legs, but Matt saw the blood and didn't want to put Peter back under there. I convinced him he had to because Peter was still attached to me. A second later I was holding my baby and sitting back on the bed where I had originally planned to squat. I rubbed Peter off and made sure he was wrapped well in a towel. I began trying to get him to nurse. I knew I needed my uterus to keep contracting so that I could deliver the placenta. I asked for my breast pump. Peter latched on to my right breast and I pumped the left one.

We waited there for 20-30 minutes. Contractions were coming and were hard - really more irritating than the ones leading up to Peter's arrival. I mean here I am with Peter in my arms and I am still having to deal with contractions. The placenta didn't come and Anne mentioned that she could see some blood, so we decided to transport to the hospital. Matt wrapped some receiving blankets in tin foil and put them in the oven, we then wrapped Peter up in the warm blankets and topped with a cozy infant bath towel. Someone helped me get my bathrobe on and then I made it to the wheelchair between contractions. The paramedics wheeled me out and into the ambulance. They had said earlier before Peter's delivery that they would take me to Queen Mary Hospital, but they actually took me to one a little closer. No English name on this one. I'll just call it KWH, because that was the only name I knew it by for the first 12 hours or so. I actually had no idea where I was.
Working through a contraction after Peter's birth...
Paramedics wheeling me out of the bedroom. I was all smiles.

In the ER... NOTE: this is where my dream birth ends and my Chinese hospital experience begins....
In the ER, I was put on an examining table. Peter was still attached via the placenta and also to my breast. I was in bliss. Then they wanted to cut the cord. Matt had gone to register me and pay the $100 fee, but I figured he had had enough excitement so I agreed to let them cut the cord. Peter was still nursing, but they wanted to check him out. I let them take him... Anne kept a close watch. Matt returned and held my hand. They gave me a shot of pitocin and tried to give me a port for any possible need of an IV... they failed. The pitocin made the contractions stronger. They kept telling me not to push? I felt the urge several times. I was tired. I finally asked for a shot or something for pain.... I mean the contractions were horrible and I could have cared less about having a natural delivery for my placenta. I just wanted this part over with so I could get back to my baby.

They finally sent me upstairs to labor and delivery where they informed Matt he couldn't go in because there were other women in there having babies. I thought... "Here we go!" In the delivery room they wanted me on the bed. I could not make myself move over and finally some nurse began pushing me off the gurney onto the bed. Not fun. They left me alone for a while waiting to see if the placenta would come. I looked at the clock. It was after 8:30. I knew it has been a long time. Then she appeared, the nurse who wanted to punch me in the gut and apply traction. I instinctively grabbed her hand when she started to push on my uterus. It hurt! I asked for pain meds again. "No. No. No meds. You need to deliver the placenta." THis was about the extent of her English. Thankfully they could understand Mandarin so I started explaining that the nurse in the ER said I could have pain meds in L&D, still "no, no, no" then they sent another nurse. She said they had to help me deliver the placenta. OK - fine, but give me something for pain first. Finally they gave me shot of something like 2 seconds before the punch and pull. I felt a hand go inside me and then they announced it was finished. I got fussed at for not being cooperative. I explained I was trying to be, but they were hurting me. A nice nurse rubbed my arm and tried to comfort me. Then they started cleaning me up to see if I needed any stitches.... I was sure I was going to have another excruiating experience. But after a few seconds... nothing. No lacerations!!! Thank you to my wonderful husband!!! The placenta was intact.

Then they tried to give me another IV so they could give me a drip of pitocin so that my uterus would contract and prevent bleeding. Couldn't find a vein. I explained maybe I should drink some water, hadn't had any since the night before. They gave me a T. of water, yes, a tablespoon. I asked for more. I finally got the equivalent of about half a cup. The nice nurse stabbed me a few times unsuccessfully and then waited awhile. I guess the water helped, I had a little more and then she was able to find a vein. I got my drip and then they moved me to a room. They asked me to go nurse Peter which i was glad to do. He pulled out my IV - thankfully the drip was finished.

Everything seemed good, now we just needed to figure out what was next. We realized we were not in the best hospital or in the best situation. But Peter was born! He was healthy! I was healthy! We were all smiles and praising the Lord! The rest of the hospital prison experience is for another blog. We can't begin to say how meaningful this experience has been for us. I didn't plan it this way, but I wouldn't change it... except maybe I would have taken a taxi to Adventist instead of letting the ambulance take me to the public hospital.

Thank you Lord, for you are good! All good gifts come from you. I am humbled at how perfect Peter's birth was in spite of all the worrying done by doctors. We are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. Some trust in scalpels and meds, but we trusted in the Lord our God. To God be all the glory. We could not have done anything without Him overseeing our every move.
Our miracle! Peter James born February 16, 2011 at 6:49 a.m. 9 lbs 3 oz.

Why are Pregnant woman emotional?

Beats me, but we are! We have a zillion things running through our minds and we are tired and achey on top of that. Doctors have no idea the weight of their words, but one thing is for sure - fear is not of the Lord... so I have to temper everything based on knowledge, prayer and whether fear is involved or not. We really do live in a fear driven world.... and boy does it place a role in the decision making of a pregnant woman over due.

I have been studying for almost 2 years so that I can understand the mechanisms of pregnancy, labor and birth. I have come to understand the standards of care in Western Medicine and medicine overseas as well. I know the risks of everything under the sun... and guess what, every thing carries risk. So in the end, I have to rely on the Lord. I have no control, the doctors don't have as much control as they'd like, and no one ever knows the outcome of their decisions - but we all have to live with the decisions we make. And isn't that the rub?

So here I am at 40 weeks and 5 days. I have gestational diabetes that is under control via diet. I have a big ole baby in my belly - estimated about 9.5 pounds, and my mother in law who traveled to HK from America is leaving Friday. But none of these things mean that my labor needs to be induced. There are always risks with every pregnancy, but I am listening for are signs that I am actually needing medical intervention... not that there are risks. There is a risk every time you get in your car, but who ever thinks... better walk to work today because its raining and the risk of a car accident is great today... of course not, who would walk to work in the rain?

So I am writing this post to let everyone out there know that I am normal. I do have fears, I am stubborn, but not to the point of risking my baby's health, but I am also informed. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but when you are being manipulated (by default or on purpose) by your doctor into having pitocin or some other intervention that takes all the joy out of birth (for me anyway) its best to be informed. Know why they want to do what they want to do.... term is still defined as 37-42 weeks, so I am not completely off my rocker. All this to say, and to beckon all other pregnant mommies in my shoes, being pregnant and making decisions is not easy. I feel the pressure from many sides. I have to re-evaluate every day, sometimes every hour. And i have to contend with my doctor, who seems to have more fear than I do. But having a close friend who is an OB - I understand why. I just have to keep on keeping on, praying and asking the Lord for wisdom. Talking things through with Matt and trust what I know. Right now, all I know is that I did not have peace about going into the hospital to be induced today... which is what my doc wanted. An OB nurse here in HK that I met at church said it well... I am in an induction culture here in HK... docs here are used to intervening and leaving things to go naturally makes them nervous. Some trust in sword and spears, but we trust in the Lord Almighty!

At any rate, we have decided to wait until 41 weeks. That is 2 days away. The hospital, interestingly enough is FULLY BOOKED for inductions on Thursday... and Wednesday, so we get an extra day out of it. We'll go Friday morning if Peter hasn't arrived yet. I am so thankful for the few folks who the Lord has sent - out of the woodwork - to minister to me. For confirmation. And what did Matt read this morning in his quiet time? Wait for the Lord and keep his way! We are waiting, although anxiously sometimes, we wait.

Random pics of the girls

Me and Lola snuggling! Of course she is in her Supergirl costume.
At the playground - hair is out of control!
The two princesses have found their throne!

Lola with one of the many rabbits we've seen for Chinese New Year. Gracie did not think this would make a very good picture so she opted out.

Lola likes computer...

yes, it is true. Lola is a computer wiz... not really, but she thinks so. She sees Gracie playing learning games on the computer and she knows the names of the websites... she'll come in and say, "Mommy, I want to play Starfall." But she doesn't really know how to play, but she tries. We downloaded some tv shows for them watch when we travel, and now Lola knows exactly what is available. She loves Super Why! So funny. So here is a picture of me writing a blog and Lola playing computer! My little wiz.

Gracie amazes me!

Gracie has grown up so much over the past few months. I cannot believe how much she can do - independently! She turned 5 in December, so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised... but she is still my baby, ya know? For starters, the fact that she is already 2/3 the way through her Kindergarten curriculum is blowing me away. She has been writing notes to us and has finally decided to write real words... just like that - and draws us the most creative pictures.

For the past couple weeks she has been getting up earlier than us, go figure, I'm not sleeping so well these days... and anyway, she gets up and makes herself something to drink, sometimes a bowl of cereal and then finds something to do. If Lola gets up, she makes her something to drink too and then they play together. Of course, we know whats going on by then because they aren't usually very quiet. But still, it is nice!

So, now for the real reason I am writing this post. Today, at the playground Gracie successfully made it across the monkey bars - alone! Yes! That just makes me proud. I just love this kid to pieces!
So proud of herself! I can't wait until she big enough to go rock climbing... I have got to get back in shape!

My Labor Snack

I have been making these cinnamon raisin muffins for the past 2 weeks now hoping to have something filling and yummy that I can eat at the hospital if I ever end up there. The first trip to the hospital was lacking in the snack department so I decided I would keep these muffins made up for the big day. I have made about 6 batches so far. The kids love them as much as I do, so they don't stay around long. Thought I'd share my recipe for anybody out there interested in high fiber, low sugar goodness! I can eat 2 of these babies without worrying about my blood sugar. Great for breakfast or a snack!

Low Sugar High Fiber Muffins
1 cup strong whole meal wheat flour
1 cup course whole grain oats
2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
1 T. of cinnamon (or more if you like)
5 packets of Splenda (optional) or if you choose 2 T. sugar
1/3 c. vegetable oil
1 c. milk
1 egg
handful of raisins or more if you like (raisins have lots of natural sugar, so be careful if you are diabetic)

Mix all dry ingredients first, then add milk, oil and egg. If too dry add a little more milk. Put in muffin tin and bake at 375 for about 25-30 minutes. Longer is ok but they may get dry. You can also trick your kids by making the batter a little thicker (less milk) and plopping the mix onto a cookie sheet. Wha-la, cinnamon raisin cookies!

Yields 10-12 muffins

You can make these into whatever muffin you like by substituting fruit for the raisin and cinnamon.... blueberries are good and the kids love chocolate chips of course!

Feeling defeated...

So D-day has come and is almost gone and Peter is not here nor does he show any signs of coming today. The problem remains that he is a bad position and as he gets bigger it makes it harder and harder for him to get it right, not to mention that my uterus has taken on the shape of his favored location making it difficult for him to stay right if and when he does move. He has twisted and turned in the night a few times after I have completed exercises, but as soon as I get up its back to the hammock. His head is down, but its as though he has a crick in his neck so he isn't in any position to be shooting out the birth canal. Poor baby, poor Momma!

I guess the hardest thing for me is that I have worked so hard to know and understand pregnancy and birth. I am passionate about natural birth because I have wanted to have one with each of my kids, but the odds of that happening are looking slim. It makes me wish in some ways that I was not such a passionate person. I mean I see woman everyday who could care less about what kind of birth they have... they love epidurals, they don't mind c-sections, they don't do any reading or research and in the end they have no regrets. Most of these woman could have natural delivery, but that isn't important to them. It is important to me, but it seems everything is working against me.

I have absolutely no control over any of it. I have done everything I know to do, and the funny thing is that most OBs have no idea or at least act as though they have no idea what to do about malposition. They usually don't even acknowledge it until well into labor and then yell emergency c-section as though they never saw the possibility of such. I have asked 3 OBs here what to do to correct Peter's position problem and none of them had a clue. Well I have a clue - I have done many exercises that have done some good - Peter has moved and been in the up and down position several times, but between his weight and gravity and the likelihood that my uterus is shaped to his present position he just goes right back.

Now I have to make a decision. My current OB is very sweet, she understands that I want a natural birth and has told me she will not try to force me to do anything, but she also wants to tell me all the risks... so I already knew all the risks... which are risks with any birth. Funny thing is that OBs don't go into detail about the risks of their interventions. My problem is that I have too much information. Ignorance is bliss, huh? I know that indecision is a decision, but its like my chances are 50/50 whether I go now or later, but if I go later then at least I do have a chance for a completely natural labor... but Peter will probably be at least 10 pounds. Yikes!

Surprising as it might be, my biggest encouragement today came from my friend Tracy, an OB in China who is in a system of managing every detail of labor and delivery. She told me honestly that for her patients she would suggest a c-section, but because she knows my heart she suggests I wait until 41 weeks. That was totally unexpected. Here I was thinking Monday - 4 days pass D-day and my Chinese friend who is totally fear driven in the delivery room suggests I wait til 41 weeks. I must say, my heart is beating at a steadier pace after talking with her. Now, Lord, please steady my heart and renew my faith. I am floundering. I feel as though I am being tossed about on the waves of the sea.

I don't know what will happen, and I assume I won't know until after it has already occurred, but one thing is for sure... I AM NOT IN CONTROL!

Blessings to all my friends out there! Prayers needed.

Still waiting!

Tomorrow is D-day! I cannot believe Peter is still hanging out in there. I have had contractions off and on for weeks. Tuesday we went to the mall and walked and walked and they came and went. On the couch back in our flat Matt timed them every 10 minutes, then I got up to cook and poof - gone! Actually just had one, but one doesn't even make me think twice anymore. After 4 or 5 then I look at the clock. Going to see the chiropractor today - maybe she can help get things going... or at least relieve my hip pain : ) Everyone on this end is trying to talk him out. Gracie was so cute the other day telling her little brother to come on out so she could hold him and kiss him. She told him she loved him then kissed the belly. Lola lavishes kisses on the baby bump and Daddy gives his daily dose of coercion as well. Peter will not be talked out! Does this mean he will have a strong will like him Momma and little sister Gracie? Oh world, watch out!

On a second note, I got a great box from Mom the other day with my new breast pump inside. I love it, but ding dong, I have to use a power converter or I'll blow the thing up. I was thinking twice about my decision to get it off Amazon for $120, thinking maybe buying it here in HK may have been better to get around the power supply problem... but I checked the price again today while we were at the mall and found that if I had purchased the pump in HK I would have paid double... I think I will look for a compact converter and be happy! If all else fails, at least the thing runs on batteries! And its perfect for travel! (I got the Medela Swing if you are wondering!)

Well, my bag is packed. Peter has a fresh stack of clothes waiting. And we are all ready! When will my baby arrive? Only the Lord knows and it is in His hands. Give me patience Lord as I wait on your gift.

Life in HK

Life in Hong Kong has been good! The weather is exceptionally nice and we have a playground very close to the flat we are staying in. Western food is readily available, although we usually just buy veggies at the open market as we would in the mainland. We have splurged a little with sliced turkey, turkey bacon and cereals for the kids. Matt's chomping on some Capt. Crunch as I type : ) I can't eat much in the way of goodies, but that is ok, I'm looking forward to a few after Peter arrives.

Here are a few shots of our first 2 weeks in HK.

Gracie prides herself being able to climb in and out of the baby swing - too funny!Walking on Queen's Rd. on our way to eat Tacos! We do a lot of walking in Hong Kong!This is inside the MTR station. We ride the subway almost everywhere we go. Gracie making one of her faces. We were waiting in line to ride Dumbo at Disney. Here are the girls with Belle. They didn't care too much for the Princess models this go around, but they enjoyed the rides and the statues.

39 weeks

Well, here I am at 39 weeks with Peter warm and cozy inside. Had a good day! It's Chinese New Year so we didn't go far from home. We did get to have lunch with an old friend who's also in HK at the moment. That was fun to talk and catch up. It's always good to be encouraged by a brother or sister in the Lord and to be able to encourage them too. Grace and Lola were fussy this morning... haven't had enough sleep for the past few days I suspect. They both napped on our walk home but got woken up by a screaming baby in the foyer of our building a bit too soon. We had an easy dinner and Matt put Lola down while Gracie and I made a craft. Here she is with her Spring Festival firecrackers. This is about as close as she will probably ever come to actually holding a strand of firecrackers - LOL! Child does not like firecrackers at all. Matt's mom is on a plane on her way here and we are just waiting for Peter to come. All is good!

New Day - New Doctor

Well I woke up this morning thinking about all that has transpired over the past couple days. I had still had that uneasy feeling - my doctor had completely dislodged my confidence - in him, in the system, in birth. I have been praying for wisdom and peace. I decided #1 I did not trust this man and wanted a new doctor, so I called a doctor I was told could be my back-up back when Poddar was out of town. I quickly explained I needed an appointment to discuss delivery options, that I was indeed almost 39 weeks pregnant (tomorrow), but that I really needed to see Dr. Ngai. I was given an appointment that was less than an hour away and I wasn't yet dressed. I quickly got dressed, brushed my teeth and my hair and the whole family headed out the door. I was only 3 minutes late - amazing!!!

I was immediately delighted to meet Dr. Ngai. I told her my story and she agreed that I could have just been left alone. She did a sonogram to check on Peter and then she examined me to find that I am no longer 5 cm dilated, but have returned to 3 cm dilated. (classic Ina May testimonial) She said his position is ok today - that is really good news. An answer to prayer and it makes all those uncomfortable exercises worth the effort. She said I could go quick, but she was willing to wait. She even scheduled an appointment for my due date (February 10) just in case he hasn't made his appearance by then. So, after hearing the good report on Peter and having her reassure me that she would not intervene unless medically necessary I left with more peace. I immediately called and canceled my appointment with the old doc for Monday. I am ready once again to have this baby! I feel good about it again, and that is a must for a smooth delivery.

The weight on my shoulders has been lifted. Praise the Lord for his goodness. It really was gracious of Dr. Ngai to take me as her patient. Tomorrow is Chinese New Year - the biggest holiday in China. I guess she understood that having confidence in your doctor is a very big deal, and I had lost confidence in my other doctor. The Lord bless that man, but when I said I didn't want my labor to be managed that is exactly what I meant. His English is just fine, but he was definitely working from a different definition of natural birth.

On the way home I enjoyed walking through and occasionally stopping for contractions. I had about 8 total, but not very regular. Getting home and sitting down they stopped. Peter has us all guessing... will he be a Tiger or a Rabbit? Love this baby boy so much already and I cannot wait to meet him. All 4 kg of him, according to the doctor : ) That's 8 and a half pounds for all you Americans out there.

My doctor is CRAZY!

So today has been a busy day! Today I was in the hospital in labor and delivery until after noon, we moved from one flat to another, I picked up the girls from a friends house and now I am venting!

My doctor came back from his vacation and I saw him yesterday morning. He was a bit excited to find out that I was dilated about 4 cm. He started asking is nurse what time his last appt was for the day and then started talking to me about going to the hospital. I told him I wasn't planning on going to the hospital right then - why? Because I'm not in labor. "Oh, you could be" was his reply, "all I have to do is break your water!" No thank you. "I don't want you to break my water." He was taken aback. Now this is the man that I interviewed before I even became pregnant with Peter asking him what his idea of managing labor is, and he assured me for 9+ months that I could do as I liked in labor. Oh, he didn't think that was an intervention. OK - so I do. Well, then he went on and on about how I had not planned for the logistics of Hong Kong and that I was not going to make it to the hospital in time, yaddie, yaddie, yaddie. He was sure I would give birth within the next 12-24 hours. So, it is officially 32 hours later, and Peter is still warm and snug in my belly. But that is the story in a nutshell. Here is the long version.

Dr. Poddar continued to try and convince me that I needed to be aware that the traffic would most certainly make my birth story one to remember in the back of taxi. He let off the "breaking my water" scheme, but insisted I needed to plan better. So we came up with me staying in a hotel on the island side, in case he was right. That didn't happen by the way. He also said that I must come to the hospital as soon as contractions started. This is all after I explained that I had been having contractions on and off for weeks.

Now, I was sure that his assessment was not right, but I do respect the medical opinions of experienced doctors so I thought about it, prayed about it, and decided that maybe we should go to a hotel that was closer to the hospital for the night. But when I got home we all needed to eat lunch, then I had to pack, and time got later and later until it seemed useless. I was so tired that I went and laid down for a nap. I woke up to contractions. And I thought, well, maybe he's right. This was exciting. Matt was warming up some left overs and I ate, did some dishes and timed my contractions. 5 minutes apart. OK, well we would still need to get the girls some place so we went ahead started getting ready to leave. We called our friends here and asked if they could meet us at their subway stop and pick up the girls. We figured the subway would be a lot faster than dealing with rush hour traffic. We left and I continued having contractions all the while. We got on the subway - and noone gave me a seat (ha!ha!) We got off half way and handed over the girls then got back on, changed trains then hopped a taxi to the hospital. The contractions got closer together - maybe from the walking? Anyway, we got to the hospital and they admitted me just based on me being dilated 4 cms that morning. I was excited at the thought I might get to meet little Peter very soon. The midwife on duty called the doctor and checked me to find I was 5 cms (although I am not sure her 5 wouldn't be the same as Poddar's 4). She was certain though that I would have Peter before midnight. It was about 6:30 or so.

My doula arrived with a birth ball since I forgot mine! We all prayed and began listening to some hymns. I was really in the zone - spiritually, emotionally, and physically. The contractions slowed down, but they were still coming about every 10 minutes and that is what happened with Lola so I wasn't concerned. Everything was going very well until Poddar decided that I had run his clock out after 2 hours. He came in during a contraction, while I was having a moment of remembrance of my Dad, listening to How Great Thou Art (a song he sang to me all my life). Why did he come in? Because he wanted to break my water. And then he began his discourse. My doula was awesome, she told him that we already knew what kind of birth we wanted and it did not include him trying to speed things up by breaking my water. So then he starts threatening to leave and not be there when Peter arrives.... and blah, blah, blah. I could feel every muscle in my body tightening. My peace left and I finally excused myself to the bathroom. When I returned Anne ( my doula) was out in the hall talking to him. He talked her ear off for 15 minutes trying to convince her that he needed to break my water. That Peter would already be born if I did things his way.... So you get the picture. He would say out one side of his mouth that he was willing to let me labor as I wished, but then because it wasn't happening as fast as he thought it should he would get antsy and start using the common tactics many OBs use to try and strongarm you into letting them have their way. The thing that really erked me was that he kept asking what the plan was, when would I deliver, ???? As if I could know. I offered to allow him to check me to see if I had progressed. All this was before I went to the bathroom. Then Anne came back, said he might leave and he still wanted to break my water. He even tried to convince her that if he ruptured my membranes with his fingers it wasn't artificial rupture - really now? What planet does he think I'm from? So then he called Matt out into the hall. And gave him the once over. Matt stood strong! So then he called the hospital administrator for "advice". Basically he told Anne he had never seen a fully natural delivery. He didn't know what to do with me. I reminded him that I had not wanted to come to the hospital so quickly. That I had worried that if I did this would happen. He discounted all that because I "could" have gone quickly. Well, that is true also, but I wasn't going quickly and now he was harassing me. Finally the midwife came and checked me and said there was no change. She said I was very tight - oh and the first time the midwife commented how loose I was (this just means the pelvic area is ready.) So all the talk with Poddar did exactly what Ina May said it would do! It stalled labor. I never returned to the state I had been in when he entered the room that evening. I stayed up til 4am showering, squatting, sitting on the ball, walking, etc. At 4 I decided to go to bed, the contractions were here and there, there was still no progression, Peter still wasn't engaged, and things didn't look to change. I slept til 7:30.

Poddar went home last night sometime around 11:00. He called this morning about 7:30. Matt talked with him. He said call him when we needed him. Matt, Anne and I talked about our options. The new midwife came in, took my blood pressure and temp then hooked me up to a fetal monitor. Matt asked her what she thought. She said I was too comfy, I could talk through contractions and therefore she didn't consider me to be in active labor. We talked about me coming home. She called Poddar. I decided I wanted to go out for a walk. I felt so much weight on my shoulders. So my stress. I had spent the night in the hospital needlessly, I had used up the good graces of our friends who watched our children overnight, and I felt the expectation to have this baby. I got fully dressed, took the stairs to the ground floor, walked out the front door and down and up hills (the hospital is on the peak). So yes, I went hiking! I took the iPod and has some worship time and some prayer time. It felt good to be out, but knowing I had to go back was still weighing on me. That weight didn't leave until I was discharged.

So Poddar finally arrived to discharge me around 11am. He said all this stuff about risks, used the word distress a few times for good measure then checked the whites of my eyes and my pulse (too funny) and left the room. The midwife brought a paper for me to sign saying they were not liable if something happened. Duh. If I'm not in your hospital then how can I say you are liable? But I understood the deal so we signed out and went downstairs to settle the bill for the night. I cannot remember the total for the hospital services, but Poddar had the audacity to write that he was there for an emergency consultation (WHAT?) and he charged 10,000 HK$ for his great services. I am going to send him a bill for all the trouble he caused me. He asked if I had any questions, so I asked why OBs around the world still don't take baby position into consideration during slow or stalled labors? Peter is oblique which basically means his shoulder is presenting at the cervix instead of his head. Or maybe the side of his head? Anyway, he needs to move and get engaged so that pressure is put on the cervix and so that his head can mold and move through the birth canal. Basically, if I had let this man break my water I would probably be recovering from a c-section right now. Breaking my water would not help him move into position (actually he can move a lot easier with water around him) and after the water breaks there is fear of infection and OBs don't want to let you go more than 12-24 hours. Classic case - but this time I was armed. I have been studying labor for a long while now. I am a Doula myself and while I do not pretend to know everything, I do have an idea of how labor is managed in hospitals around the world. I must say though that Adventist hospital continues to impress me. The midwives were incredible and supporting. I don't know if they agreed with me or not, but they never stressed me out, so in my opinion they did their job well. They followed my birth plan. They were respectful and I appreciated each one I interacted with.

So, now I am home. Doing my exercises trying to get Peter to turn again (he turned last Friday and got lots of stuff going, then moved back to his favored position. So I know he can turn again. The Lord has appointed a time for him to be born. I wonder what on earth will happen when he does come. Will he come at our flat, in a taxi, on the MTR (gosh I hope not) or will I make it back to Adventist in the horrible HK traffic in time to let one of those lovely midwives help him into the world. I won't be calling Poddar on my way this time - that is for sure!
This was happy me on the way to the hospital the night of January 31st. I had just had a contraction and was very glad to have a seat on the subway!

38 weeks and counting

Well today marks Peter's 38th week in the womb, actually it is 36 but they use this crazy system of calculating so formally it is 38. Whatever the case is, he is done and is now only getting bigger. I guess that is why I am a starving hound dog who can't get a bone. I never remember being this hungry in the last weeks with either of the girls, sad thing is that I can't just eat at will because of this blasted gestational diabetes. Oh well, I guess it will help me maintain a good weight.

We arrived in Hong Kong where last week. I had not seen a doctor in 6 weeks, so I was ready to go have a chat with my OB. He is Indian, which in and of itself makes him interesting. He is also older and has lots of stories that he loves to share with me. I find him quite pleasant. He assures me that I can be all natural in my labor and delivery - let's hope it turns out that way. I will deliver at Adventist Hospital - the same place I had an appendectomy years ago and also where Matt had hernia repair done. We have really been pleased with the kindness shown by the nurses there and the hospital is super clean! Very Western.

So, since my OB is out of town until the 31st (would have been nice to know!) I saw one of his partners at another location. Turns out though that she doesn't deliver at Adventist, so if Peter comes early I will be stuck with someone I've never seen before. I did however meet a midwife at Adventist when I went to check it out. I think I would feel just fine letting the midwives take care of me.... which in essence means leave me alone. Anyway, the doctor I saw said my cervix was thinning and had begun to open, but she was confident I'd hold until my doc returns. Even though any time is fine with me, Matt and I both kind of hope he'll wait until after the 4th. One because Matt's mom will be here to help with the girls and #2 because it will be after Chinese New Year, making little Peter a rabbit like his Daddy. Aw, so sweet. If born before February 3, he will be Tiger like his Momma - Oh, no! Yes, this is a little silly banter we have going, but we do live in China, so it comes up often!Gracie and Lola are excited about their little brother, although I am not sure how Lola will really handle the change. She is very attached to "her Momma" and I can imagine the fact of me giving a new baby so much attention will cause some controversy. Gracie is a my big girl now, I am sure she will be ever so helpful. Probably more helpful than I want her to be.

Well, all is good. We are just enjoying HK's weather, playgrounds, and wonderful internet while we wait for little Peter James to make his debut. He is still not turned the exact way he needs to be, so please pray he'll get in the right position. I would love to enjoy a natural birth without too much drama this time if possible.

A good day in "The City"

Imagine this... 5 days or more of wonderful, warm weather. The sun shining and the temperatures picnic perfect... then you say good night and wake up to FREEZING COLD! Now you would think this would put the normal southerner out of sorts, but nope, even though I personally don't like windy cold weather the day was very good. Part of that is because Matt is home from a 4 day excursion and I got to sleep late, but most of that has to do with out outing. We went to a big market to look for a doll house - which there are none of - and other goodies for Christmas. Everyone was in such a good mood. I think it has something to do with the weather... which is the irony of it all. I'd say 99% of the folks in this city did not enjoy our warm streak. It is against their nature to take off layers of clothes to be comfortable... so they just sweated through the beautiful weather and I think it made most of them miserable. But today, it was a lot colder and they were finally comfortable for the first time in a week so they were happy. The streets were crowded for a Monday and so was the market, but everyone was in a good mood. You just gotta love it.

The other really great thing that happened today was that I found a fleece, a hooded sweatshirt, and a sweater that fit my big ole pregnant self. There is this one shop that has pieces of clothing from a factory someplace... most of the items are things going to Wal-Mart or some cheap clothing store, but every once in a while you find something special. Today, it wasn't anything special, but it was exactly what I needed. So I got the above mentioned articles of clothing, Matt got a fleece and 2 shirts and Gracie got a zip up fleece too. All for the amazing price of about $35. Now I won't freeze : ) Oh, and this is about the only shop, or at least the only one we have found, that sells clothes that fit us. Guess that is because they jumped ship on their way to America and landed in a Chinese five and dime.

I spent the rest of the afternoon with Tina, my very pregnant Chinese girlfriend. She helped me order some food for Thanksgiving off the Chinese ebay (Taobao). Poor Tina, She has enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner with us before and was lamenting that she won't be able to this year, that is unless her little one hangs out a week + late. When I left her house I rode the bus home across town... usually a 30-40 minute ride, but tonight there was a big accident and traffic jam in the major intersection just before our district... so it took me about 1 hour and 20 minutes to get home. That was ok. The lady next to me was nice and we chatted. I would have gotten off the bus with the rest of the folks and walked except that it had started raining and I was still a good 2 miles from home. You know, now that I think about it, not one person complained about the traffic or the wait. That is a first! Yep, definitely the weather change. Cold, windy and rainy made for a great day in the Chang.

This City

Wow, couldn't ask for better weather these days. I didn't even check the temperature today, but it was so warm that not one person asked if we were cold in our 1-layer, skin baring, outfits. That says a lot in NC in November. We've had some cold spells, so everyone has changed their attire to long johns, sweaters, and coats. I must have seen 10 kids today bundled for a snow fight in 70 degree weather. Poor things. We had planned to play a game and count how many times people asked if we were cold, were scared of the cold, or just made some comment about our lack of clothing... we all made our bids before leaving the house. Gracie guessed 6 times, I guessed 13, Tracy guessed 10 and Lola who now likes to count everything to 4 guessed 4. Poo - not one person made a comment. I figured they were all so miserably hot today they couldn't muster the word cold from their vocabulary.

So, no one harassed us about out clothes today, but plenty of folks wanted to touch Gracie and Lola's face and hair. I mean really, like they are animals in a zoo for sport. Gracie did really well though, she didn't even notice people touching her hair, but several A-yis got the grumble and stomp reaction when they went for the touch. Lola is still mostly kind to everyone and shines her smile and invites more attention. I, however, am quick to ask them not to touch her face. Besides the fact that it is just rude, most of these people have probably used the bathroom, blown a few snot rockets, handled raw meat, and no telling what else without washing their hands. Filthy!

Wal-Marts bathroom.... oh my. I mean public restrooms have a reputation to uphold, I understand, but when you multiply the yuck with squatty potties - which means you have to get a little closer to the yuck.... anyway, I felt like disease was jumping on me like bedbugs on an Indian sleeper train. Gross!

The elevator... in plane view of the escalator, was crowded with young people and able bodied men for the most part. Several times (yes, we had to make several trips up and down today) people rushed on in front of us because there is no line system here... just the cattle call. After this had happened several times and the elevator was full of many people who could have easily taken the escalator I just had to ask them... why can't you take the escalator and let the pregnant woman with a huge double stroller use the lift? RUDE! This is not uncommon, even in HK, but at least in HK there are all these little signs reminding people to be considerate of the old, the weak, the pregnant and those with small children, buggies or luggage. Being considerate was left out of the Chinese cotillion classes...it just never occurs to them to look around and think about others before themselves. Considerate is our word of the month - Gracie is improving.

Noise - oh my. I wanted to take a nap today but the music shop behind our apartment building must have purchased a new CD because it was blaring. I am really thankful that they mostly play their flutes and play them quite nicely, but it does get loud at times and their is no volume control or insulation to shield us. Then there are the firecrackers, which I am also happy to say do not freak my kids out as bad as they used to, but tonight about 20 minutes after Gracie went to bed I hear her screaming for me. I was working in the living room and hadn't even heard the firecrackers... but they woke her up. "Mommy, why are they firing them off so late?" Well it was only 8:15, not so late! I think the biggest noise nuisance at the moment is the sound of horns. There are the skreeching ones that make the hair stand up on your arms, the bull horn type that make you jump out of your skin, and then the plane old honk, honk type... the problem with all of them are that people use them way too much. Some people are honk happy - honking their horn every few seconds, others just wait until they get right next to you and then bllllll! Arg - my ears are under attack.

So the weather is nice here in NC, but the air is terrible - can't breath in some areas because of the heavy amounts of coal that are being burned. My eyes are red and poofy - just from the pollution. But the weather is nice. Thank you Lord for the warm weather. I'll take it! Please let it last.

That's my rant for the day. Maybe tomorrow will be extremely positive. I hope so.

Girls, girls, girls... and a boy!

I went to Shanghai for my 20 week check-up yesterday. It was some day. I missed my plane, which was mostly my fault but also my driver's fault. I got confused about the time of my to Shanghai time and my return to Nanchang time and unfortunately I was about 20 minutes too late to catch my flight. It was partly my driver's fault because I asked him to come at 8:00 and he didn't show until 8:30, which means if he had come on time I would have probably made my flight by the skin of my teeth. But it's all good - I was able to get another ticket and arrived an hour after my original flight... but it cost me about $75 : (

Anyway, I got a taxi right off the airport bus and my driver actually knew where to go... miracle! I didn't get to eat lunch, but I made my appointment on time! I saw a midwife at Shanghai United and then a skilled ultrasound tech. To my very great surprise she informed me that our little Rachel is a boy. It was a little bit overwhelming. I was so excited to call and tell Matt. I lost some of my umf because my credit card wouldn't work so I had to first call Matt to call the credit card company... first thing he asked? "Well, did you find out for sure?" I put him off! Got the credit card working and then called him back. He just giggled with delight! It was awesome. As soon as he told Gracie I could hear howling in the background because she has "only wanted a boy" this whole time.

We have never been able to agree on a name for a boy, but after we knew little bit was definitely a boy it was like we all knew right away. Gracie has been calling the baby Peter for some time and I didn't really like it, but honestly all the other choices I had liked before just didn't sit well with me once I knew I was going to have a son. All of a sudden Peter James sounded like the name we should choose. I texted it to Matt a few minutes after we hung up and he called right back to say that was the very name he and Gracie had just chosen. So Peter James it is... at least for now. But I like it. Peter - the great apostle and James - the one Jesus loved. James was also my Dad's name. I am thinking I like the ring of PJ for a little boy too!

So, exciting times in the Owen's house. We are going to have a boy.