Wow. How did that happen? Grace was the big kid today. It made me smile and smile some more. We had a detective party. Fun times. She wore a school uniform type jumper over a turtle neck - it was her best Nancy Drew get-up since her sweater vest was dirty. Her little bob was held back with a pink headband. She greeted her guests and was very careful to thank each person exuberantly when she opened her gifts. She enjoyed our cheesy games of "what's missing" where they took turns dressing up and then taking off one item to see if the others could guess what it might be, whack the home made pinata until the candy spills out, and the mystery of the missing gift. The gift was taken from the box sent from America. There was a red fingerprint and a tuft of tissue paper on the floor near the door. Another red finger print on the down arrow of the elevator. The box, torn open was on the bench seat outside our door. Obviously the water man had taken the box and then the gift. Oh no! Another red fingerprint inside the elevator going to -1 floor. Down in the garage more paper, more clues... and then the nice thief left the gift in Mom's cart. I'm not sure the Chinese kids ever knew we were trying to solve a mystery, but everyone appeared to like the running around and finding Gracie's lost gift in the end.
So, that was the party. But it was all the subtle growing up things that I noticed today that I relish in tonight. Like when our friend L who is almost 6 said it was a bit scary to think about a thief taking Grace's present (and she was obviously a bit scared) and Gracie responded that all mysteries are a little bit scary. She had that glint of joy in her eye, and I remembered being the younger kid with the older ones feeling a little scared but noticing they weren't afraid at all. Gracie was the older kid today. We had one sweet girl here today who didn't know anyone else. She comes over to play sometimes and we like her a lot, but she isn't from our neighborhood. She seemed a little reserved and when I told Gracie to make sure she was included she immediately took her hand and had her come and be part. So genuine, so sweet. I smiled. She was just on her best behavior in every way today. I was proud of her. She is a precious girl. Love her to pieces.
Monday, December 16, 2013
12 week reflections - kiddo #4
What a ride it has been. I've been sickly the majority of this pregnancy, but the emotional roller coaster has been without comparison. I am so happy to think about this new little life growing inside of me at this moment its hard to believe the drama. The nausea has been unreal this time, and I've eaten to ward it off. Hence, the Chinese would say I look 6 months pregnant instead of 3, but what do they know? They are so slim and in comparison I think they probably think I'm always pregnant. It is true I've been asked at least bi-weekly since giving birth to Lola if I am pregnant. My answer is usually "no, just fat!" With a smile because it doesn't bother me in the least. When I weighed 130 pounds at 5'9" I was told I was fat, so I know they are looking at my stature as much as they are looking at my waistline.
Anyway, I am very pregnant now and it is time to tell my helper and some other friends who probably suspect it anyway. If you've read my earlier post you know I have been a bit grumpy. I feel like I'm getting over that a little more every day. My attitude toward my dear Chinese friends and neighbors was not very positive in light of the comments they often make about my 3 kids and I knew I might bust a gasket if I heard them talking about my pregnancy in a negative way. On most days these comments don't bother those of us who live in China with more than 2 children, but when you are grumpy the smallest things can sometimes upset. I've been snickered at, talked about, blamed, pointed at, and had all kinds of advice and ideas about having "so many kids". I mean I don't think 3 kids is "so many", but they usually do and they say so. Now I join the ridiculous. But my children are such a blessing and it makes me sad that they see children as such a nuisance and such a burden. The Lord has blessed us and i cannot imagine life without any of my children and this sweet baby already has a place among us. I feel confident now that my emotions are stabilizing and I can handle the comments once again with grace. And in love. So, tomorrow I tell Ayi. She'll probably quit : )
I went to HK this past weekend and had a check-up. I also had a sonogram. It was a very sweet time. A friend was traveling with me, a friend who is a mother and a grandmother. She had never seen a live sonogram before and I invited her to share in my joy. It was precious. We both cried at seeing sweet baby lift his arms and legs, put his hand on his brow, and then hear from the doctor that she is 90% sure the baby is indeed a boy. Good for Pete if she is right. The naming began within seconds of calling home. Grace and Lola deciding on Benjamin Asher, Lola preferring the opposite order. We like that name, but it is undecided. At 12 weeks I am also a bit leery to be so certain that he is a he. It makes absolutely no difference to me, but if I get my mind wrapped around a boy then there will be a sense of loss if it is a girl. The same thing happened when I was told Pete was a girl at 16 weeks. He was called Rachel for a month before we found out differently. Granted, Peter was a nice surprise and we rejoiced in the news, but there was a sense of loss for a few days over Rachel - Rachel who never existed. In my mind I had pictured her though and so it was strange when I found out she wasn't there.
I am so thankful for this new life. I saw a short video the other day of me holding Pete the day he was born. I was exhausted but the smile never left my face. I was in pure bliss. The joy that seeped from every pour was so evident. That moment when you hold the baby that has been riding around in your belly for 9 months. This baby, #4, was such a surprise and in turn I think will be the biggest blessing of all. God is so good. He is already using this experience to grow me in new ways. I might get straightened out even yet. I am so thankful for His mercy. I deserve death, but He gives me life. Daily I see his mercy is indeed new every morning. I am so thankful for His grace. I don't deserve all the blessings he pours out on me, yet here I sit with the greatest husband and the coolest kids ever. I have eternal life. I have been given the gift of communing with Jesus. He allows me to serve Him even though I do it begrudgingly so many times. Thank you Lord. You are indeed good!
Anyway, I am very pregnant now and it is time to tell my helper and some other friends who probably suspect it anyway. If you've read my earlier post you know I have been a bit grumpy. I feel like I'm getting over that a little more every day. My attitude toward my dear Chinese friends and neighbors was not very positive in light of the comments they often make about my 3 kids and I knew I might bust a gasket if I heard them talking about my pregnancy in a negative way. On most days these comments don't bother those of us who live in China with more than 2 children, but when you are grumpy the smallest things can sometimes upset. I've been snickered at, talked about, blamed, pointed at, and had all kinds of advice and ideas about having "so many kids". I mean I don't think 3 kids is "so many", but they usually do and they say so. Now I join the ridiculous. But my children are such a blessing and it makes me sad that they see children as such a nuisance and such a burden. The Lord has blessed us and i cannot imagine life without any of my children and this sweet baby already has a place among us. I feel confident now that my emotions are stabilizing and I can handle the comments once again with grace. And in love. So, tomorrow I tell Ayi. She'll probably quit : )
I went to HK this past weekend and had a check-up. I also had a sonogram. It was a very sweet time. A friend was traveling with me, a friend who is a mother and a grandmother. She had never seen a live sonogram before and I invited her to share in my joy. It was precious. We both cried at seeing sweet baby lift his arms and legs, put his hand on his brow, and then hear from the doctor that she is 90% sure the baby is indeed a boy. Good for Pete if she is right. The naming began within seconds of calling home. Grace and Lola deciding on Benjamin Asher, Lola preferring the opposite order. We like that name, but it is undecided. At 12 weeks I am also a bit leery to be so certain that he is a he. It makes absolutely no difference to me, but if I get my mind wrapped around a boy then there will be a sense of loss if it is a girl. The same thing happened when I was told Pete was a girl at 16 weeks. He was called Rachel for a month before we found out differently. Granted, Peter was a nice surprise and we rejoiced in the news, but there was a sense of loss for a few days over Rachel - Rachel who never existed. In my mind I had pictured her though and so it was strange when I found out she wasn't there.
I am so thankful for this new life. I saw a short video the other day of me holding Pete the day he was born. I was exhausted but the smile never left my face. I was in pure bliss. The joy that seeped from every pour was so evident. That moment when you hold the baby that has been riding around in your belly for 9 months. This baby, #4, was such a surprise and in turn I think will be the biggest blessing of all. God is so good. He is already using this experience to grow me in new ways. I might get straightened out even yet. I am so thankful for His mercy. I deserve death, but He gives me life. Daily I see his mercy is indeed new every morning. I am so thankful for His grace. I don't deserve all the blessings he pours out on me, yet here I sit with the greatest husband and the coolest kids ever. I have eternal life. I have been given the gift of communing with Jesus. He allows me to serve Him even though I do it begrudgingly so many times. Thank you Lord. You are indeed good!
Sunday, December 01, 2013
Thanksgiving 2013
We are all hacking, except Matt and that is good because he's been holding down the fort.
Baby Freedom was still alive and well via a sonogram I had at 1st Affiliated last week. Very thankful for that and a renewed lease on the ability to be thankful for life.
We flew the coop for Thanksgiving. Our friends who lived close-by moved earlier this year after being in the States for time. We hadn't seen them in a year, so we packed it up and headed to their place. It was nice. They live in a bit more modern city than we do and their apartment was well constructed. It was comfortable. Our 5 stayed with their 8 and the kids played, stayed up late watching a movie and cooked all the next day to produce a spread. It was nice having another Mom to talk to and cook alongside.
Unfortunately I didn't enjoy our dinner. My taster is off and everything tasted either too sweet or too salty - neither of which was true. I loved seeing everyone else gorge themselves.
We paid for the all fun on our train ride home. I was exhausted and the kids were too. There were several mini meltdowns in the train station once we arrived back in our city. But all in all it was worth it. Thanksgiving should be celebrated with others and this year we were thankful to be with friends.
I miss having other moms who are in my walk of life (i.e. home schooling, cooking 2-3 meals a day, etc). Isolation is my worst enemy. I am a people person for sure. Thankful for many things today. Thankful most of all for God's grace and mercy, His love and the gift of family.
Baby Freedom was still alive and well via a sonogram I had at 1st Affiliated last week. Very thankful for that and a renewed lease on the ability to be thankful for life.
We flew the coop for Thanksgiving. Our friends who lived close-by moved earlier this year after being in the States for time. We hadn't seen them in a year, so we packed it up and headed to their place. It was nice. They live in a bit more modern city than we do and their apartment was well constructed. It was comfortable. Our 5 stayed with their 8 and the kids played, stayed up late watching a movie and cooked all the next day to produce a spread. It was nice having another Mom to talk to and cook alongside.
Unfortunately I didn't enjoy our dinner. My taster is off and everything tasted either too sweet or too salty - neither of which was true. I loved seeing everyone else gorge themselves.
We paid for the all fun on our train ride home. I was exhausted and the kids were too. There were several mini meltdowns in the train station once we arrived back in our city. But all in all it was worth it. Thanksgiving should be celebrated with others and this year we were thankful to be with friends.
I miss having other moms who are in my walk of life (i.e. home schooling, cooking 2-3 meals a day, etc). Isolation is my worst enemy. I am a people person for sure. Thankful for many things today. Thankful most of all for God's grace and mercy, His love and the gift of family.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Loving this life
Well I have been through it with this pregnancy. A range of emotions that are somewhat uncharacteristic for me to say the least. Over the past week I have been so sick. Not just nausea and tachycardia and bloating, but a bad cold that has left me in my bed several days with Matt cooking dinner and home schooling a large portion of the time. I have not enjoyed the ill feelings my body is going through, but on the other hand I have relished in this new life growing inside me. I felt strongly this week that it is a girl. Of course I could be wrong, but that is my feeling. Lola has been really cute. Several times she has come into my bedroom to just hang out with me. We have had many discussions about baby. She loves thinking about her little brother or sister. She wants a sister. Her and Gracie have this 3 tier bunk bed imaged for the 3 of them if she is indeed a girl. This has been a very good week emotionally when considering our newest addition. I have embraced this baby and am in love for sure. I will be 9 weeks tomorrow.
Today I have coughed my head off. I was bedridden all of yesterday, but after a lot of water and a lot of rest I felt better this morning. I did too much I suppose. I cooked breakfast, we called Mims for her birthday. I wrangled with the kids, gave Pete a bath and got G & L washing the glass doors in the living room. I could feel myself wearing down. I finally made my way back to the bed, but I didn't get much rest. I felt pretty yuck for the rest of the day. Coughing violently left me breathing hard and hurting several times.
I fell asleep while Matt cooked dinner and slept through dinner and him putting the kids down. I woke up very uncomfortable in jeans and decided to put on some pajamas. When I went to the bathroom though I got a huge surprise. Blood. Yes, I have freaked out. I went to find Matt immediately and we prayed and cried for what seemed like a long time. Woke Pete up so Matt went to get him back to sleep. The bleeding seems to have stopped, but I am left wondering if I have lost this little life or if she still grows safely in my womb. Only the Lord knows. I'll go to the hospital in the morning to check. I cannot stand the thought of loosing her.
I have prayed hard this night. Its hard not to feel a bit guilty and undeserving. Guilty because I complained a lot about being pregnant, giving up a kind of freedom that I perceived as the big kids were actually becoming big kids. But this baby is freedom. In a land where women send their children on at the drop of a hat, many times because they don't have the freedom to carry and deliver children as the Lord blesses their womb, I see my baby as freedom. Freedom to allow God to have control over the affairs of my life and to rejoice in that because He is good. And He gives good gifts. Children are such a gift. Precious. Life is so fragile, yet we are resilient. It reminds us that our lives truly are in the hands of God.
I have begged the Lord this night to allow me this child. I want this baby. I love this baby. To lose this 9 week old would be losing one of my children. My child. I don't know if it my son or daughter. How sad is that? It breaks my heart. I cannot even name my baby with confidence. But I know this baby is in the Lord's hands and I know that He is good. He gives and He takes away. I don't deserve any of the good things He has given me, but as His child I see the goodness of my father. He loves me and I know I can trust him. So I wait. I wait to see what the Lord has decided for this child. Will she join us here or will we have to wait to meet her until we join her in eternity? Its a hard place to be.
I am thankful that I told my mom last week and she was happy about the baby. I had worried she might think I was too old or make some negative comment, but she didn't. She was thrilled and reminded me that I have always said that I want as many children as the Lord will give me. Yes indeed. I said that and I meant it. My mom will probably never know how much she encouraged me with her enthusiasm over this life. She has already told a lot of people because she just can't contain herself. We got an email today telling us of her joy and sending a congratulations. Yes, it is indeed an occasion to celebrate. I pray we can celebrate tomorrow that this little person will come and bless our lives.
Today I have coughed my head off. I was bedridden all of yesterday, but after a lot of water and a lot of rest I felt better this morning. I did too much I suppose. I cooked breakfast, we called Mims for her birthday. I wrangled with the kids, gave Pete a bath and got G & L washing the glass doors in the living room. I could feel myself wearing down. I finally made my way back to the bed, but I didn't get much rest. I felt pretty yuck for the rest of the day. Coughing violently left me breathing hard and hurting several times.
I fell asleep while Matt cooked dinner and slept through dinner and him putting the kids down. I woke up very uncomfortable in jeans and decided to put on some pajamas. When I went to the bathroom though I got a huge surprise. Blood. Yes, I have freaked out. I went to find Matt immediately and we prayed and cried for what seemed like a long time. Woke Pete up so Matt went to get him back to sleep. The bleeding seems to have stopped, but I am left wondering if I have lost this little life or if she still grows safely in my womb. Only the Lord knows. I'll go to the hospital in the morning to check. I cannot stand the thought of loosing her.
I have prayed hard this night. Its hard not to feel a bit guilty and undeserving. Guilty because I complained a lot about being pregnant, giving up a kind of freedom that I perceived as the big kids were actually becoming big kids. But this baby is freedom. In a land where women send their children on at the drop of a hat, many times because they don't have the freedom to carry and deliver children as the Lord blesses their womb, I see my baby as freedom. Freedom to allow God to have control over the affairs of my life and to rejoice in that because He is good. And He gives good gifts. Children are such a gift. Precious. Life is so fragile, yet we are resilient. It reminds us that our lives truly are in the hands of God.
I have begged the Lord this night to allow me this child. I want this baby. I love this baby. To lose this 9 week old would be losing one of my children. My child. I don't know if it my son or daughter. How sad is that? It breaks my heart. I cannot even name my baby with confidence. But I know this baby is in the Lord's hands and I know that He is good. He gives and He takes away. I don't deserve any of the good things He has given me, but as His child I see the goodness of my father. He loves me and I know I can trust him. So I wait. I wait to see what the Lord has decided for this child. Will she join us here or will we have to wait to meet her until we join her in eternity? Its a hard place to be.
I am thankful that I told my mom last week and she was happy about the baby. I had worried she might think I was too old or make some negative comment, but she didn't. She was thrilled and reminded me that I have always said that I want as many children as the Lord will give me. Yes indeed. I said that and I meant it. My mom will probably never know how much she encouraged me with her enthusiasm over this life. She has already told a lot of people because she just can't contain herself. We got an email today telling us of her joy and sending a congratulations. Yes, it is indeed an occasion to celebrate. I pray we can celebrate tomorrow that this little person will come and bless our lives.
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Lola is 5... since 9/9
Well I have really dropped the ball when it comes to keeping up this blog. Its mostly a way to catalog major events in our lives, but I think its nice for those who want to know what's going on with us to have a way to see our faces and hear our stories from time to time.
Lola turned 5 on September 9. Well that was 2 months ago. Mims was here for her birthday and we had a swell time. I made a pinata and we had our close friends over for games and treats. The Pinata was a hit! Literally.
Sweet Lola has grown so much. I can't believe she started Kindergarten this year and is already reading so well. I think she has her Momma's learning styles though because Math comes easy and she seems to be a visual learner. I love that I get to teach her to read and write and do all the other little things like memorize scripture and recite the states and capitals.
Lola Mei has brought so much joy into our home. She is witty and silly and loves to tell stories. She is extremely loud, especially when she's trying to get her point across and she's got just enough fight in her to keep you watching. But she is so sweet and mostly compliant. She likes to please and succeed. She adores her sister and wants to do everything she sees Grace do. She loves her little brother too and will play with him sometimes for hours. Then there are those times she wants him out of her room.
Lola is so so precious to us all. I am so grateful that the Lord chose me to be her Mommy. I am blessed.
Lola turned 5 on September 9. Well that was 2 months ago. Mims was here for her birthday and we had a swell time. I made a pinata and we had our close friends over for games and treats. The Pinata was a hit! Literally.
Sweet Lola has grown so much. I can't believe she started Kindergarten this year and is already reading so well. I think she has her Momma's learning styles though because Math comes easy and she seems to be a visual learner. I love that I get to teach her to read and write and do all the other little things like memorize scripture and recite the states and capitals.
Lola Mei has brought so much joy into our home. She is witty and silly and loves to tell stories. She is extremely loud, especially when she's trying to get her point across and she's got just enough fight in her to keep you watching. But she is so sweet and mostly compliant. She likes to please and succeed. She adores her sister and wants to do everything she sees Grace do. She loves her little brother too and will play with him sometimes for hours. Then there are those times she wants him out of her room.
Lola is so so precious to us all. I am so grateful that the Lord chose me to be her Mommy. I am blessed.
since no one reads this anyway....
So, I am dying to tell you all I'm pregnant, but also not at all ready to tell anyone. For now it is Matt and my little secret. The kids don't know, the grandparents haven't heard and I will wait as long as I possibly can before I tell one single Chinese person because I don't want to hear it.
I'm excited. I've already had all my "oh, no!" emotions. All my, I thought I was finished with being pregnant emotions (not necessarily with having kids mind you, just the pregnant part). The fleeting thought that I would finally be able to go to America without a nursing baby stuck to my chest... and we were even going to have all our kids over 3 years of age which meant we were really planning some fun stuff. But all that is fodder. We are having another baby! Another blessing. Another precious gift from our Father. And how could we be anything but excited and joyful and grateful!
I have 3 children which evokes many daily comments from my Chinese neighbors and random passersby. 3 kids! Wow, are they all yours? So many kids! Does the government pay you to have kids? I mean.... in a society where 1 kid is the norm people have forgotten that 2 generations ago the norm in China was 3, 4, 5.... but propaganda is mighty. So, yes, I am waiting to tell my Chinese friends, well because they will tell everyone else. I am definitely waiting to tell my neighbors because they will also tell everyone else. They will even have these conversations about the foreigner (me) while I am standing there. I want to just say, "I'm right here!" But its all good. They'll all know in a few months anyway. This well stretched body knows exactly how to take the form of preggo.
We are waiting to tell my mom and Matt's mom because its just fun to have a little secret. It's fun to talk about baby names and how old he/she will be when we get back to the States. How to acquire maternity clothes and baby clothes on our tight budget when we have just recently sent all ours far, far away.
I'm excited. I've already had all my "oh, no!" emotions. All my, I thought I was finished with being pregnant emotions (not necessarily with having kids mind you, just the pregnant part). The fleeting thought that I would finally be able to go to America without a nursing baby stuck to my chest... and we were even going to have all our kids over 3 years of age which meant we were really planning some fun stuff. But all that is fodder. We are having another baby! Another blessing. Another precious gift from our Father. And how could we be anything but excited and joyful and grateful!
I have 3 children which evokes many daily comments from my Chinese neighbors and random passersby. 3 kids! Wow, are they all yours? So many kids! Does the government pay you to have kids? I mean.... in a society where 1 kid is the norm people have forgotten that 2 generations ago the norm in China was 3, 4, 5.... but propaganda is mighty. So, yes, I am waiting to tell my Chinese friends, well because they will tell everyone else. I am definitely waiting to tell my neighbors because they will also tell everyone else. They will even have these conversations about the foreigner (me) while I am standing there. I want to just say, "I'm right here!" But its all good. They'll all know in a few months anyway. This well stretched body knows exactly how to take the form of preggo.
We are waiting to tell my mom and Matt's mom because its just fun to have a little secret. It's fun to talk about baby names and how old he/she will be when we get back to the States. How to acquire maternity clothes and baby clothes on our tight budget when we have just recently sent all ours far, far away.
Feeling defeated
I should be celebrating. I know that and I want to but tonight I just feel defeated. You see today I was sick all day. I'm 7 weeks pregnant, I'm 39, I'm tired and I have 3 kids that need home schooling, feeding, and a lot of attention. Nausea was waiting behind every corner today. I was thankful Matt was home so he could take the reigns when I had to lay down or just go find some crackers. I'm so unable to imagine the end of the tunnel. It seems like a black hole. I know I sound terrible, but I am just worn out and this is the result.
Grace had a good day, but refused to go to bed tonight. That's her new thing. It turned ugly when she was still moping at 10pm, all her privileges cast into the oblivion long before and no other recourse. I finally lost it, she smarted off and her Daddy finally took her to the office for a little meeting. I just went to bed. She woke up the baby who couldn't be soothed (oh, he's 2 and 8 months) so I just left him crying and shut the door and went back to bed. And so all I could think was "here we go again".
I love my children more than anything. I seriously love to be with them, but anyone with little kids knows that when the youngest gets to that age where you can take them all camping or on a picnic and you can have conversations and read books together, the family can sing and play and tell stories and you don't have to worry about every single thing your kid picks up in fear that they might eat it, and you can say "stop" when they are too close to the road and they stop.... everyone knows when this time comes you feel a sense of freedom. You breath a little easier.
We have lived in China as a family for 7 and a half years. I have been pregnant or nursing the entire time. I have yet to return to the States without a nursing infant. Pregnancy is hard on me. I have hip issues that manifest into back pain. Pregnancy intensifies this problem ten fold. I get gestational diabetes and cannot eat freely, and I live in a country that does not cater to diabetics so my diet is seriously limited. I need 8 hours of sleep in order to function with all cylinders running. I don't think I've slept the night through in 8 years. I was seeing the end of the tunnel. It was filled with outings and mud pies and inner tubes on a lazy river. But somehow the Lord thought it timely to put me on a detour and I no longer see any resemblance of rest in the near future.
I know that the person I was is gone. I am no longer an outgoing, tree hugging, rock climbing, Appalachian hiking child of the King. I am now an overweight, Mom of almost 4, nursing, spill wiping, home schooling, cook that still desires to serve her King. I'm ok with that for the most part because having kids is awesome. I love these little people in my life, but sometimes I want to enjoy them outside of this dingy city, in the woods, on a trail, at a campsite, floating on a river, exploring a cave, making mud pies, serving others and being the me that is tucked under all this pollution ridden skin.
And so I feel defeated, but hey plus one for the kingdom! I guess its victory if I can get my spectacles to focus on the right perspective. If anyone is reading this you are privy to information that has not yet been made public. Please do not share our news with anyone, if they read my blog then they'll know : )
By the way, in no way am I not excited about this life growing inside of me. I love the idea of another little Owens' kid running around at my feet, it's just the stress of pregnancy, sleepless nights, and chasing for the next 2 + years that has me reeling.
Grace had a good day, but refused to go to bed tonight. That's her new thing. It turned ugly when she was still moping at 10pm, all her privileges cast into the oblivion long before and no other recourse. I finally lost it, she smarted off and her Daddy finally took her to the office for a little meeting. I just went to bed. She woke up the baby who couldn't be soothed (oh, he's 2 and 8 months) so I just left him crying and shut the door and went back to bed. And so all I could think was "here we go again".
I love my children more than anything. I seriously love to be with them, but anyone with little kids knows that when the youngest gets to that age where you can take them all camping or on a picnic and you can have conversations and read books together, the family can sing and play and tell stories and you don't have to worry about every single thing your kid picks up in fear that they might eat it, and you can say "stop" when they are too close to the road and they stop.... everyone knows when this time comes you feel a sense of freedom. You breath a little easier.
We have lived in China as a family for 7 and a half years. I have been pregnant or nursing the entire time. I have yet to return to the States without a nursing infant. Pregnancy is hard on me. I have hip issues that manifest into back pain. Pregnancy intensifies this problem ten fold. I get gestational diabetes and cannot eat freely, and I live in a country that does not cater to diabetics so my diet is seriously limited. I need 8 hours of sleep in order to function with all cylinders running. I don't think I've slept the night through in 8 years. I was seeing the end of the tunnel. It was filled with outings and mud pies and inner tubes on a lazy river. But somehow the Lord thought it timely to put me on a detour and I no longer see any resemblance of rest in the near future.
I know that the person I was is gone. I am no longer an outgoing, tree hugging, rock climbing, Appalachian hiking child of the King. I am now an overweight, Mom of almost 4, nursing, spill wiping, home schooling, cook that still desires to serve her King. I'm ok with that for the most part because having kids is awesome. I love these little people in my life, but sometimes I want to enjoy them outside of this dingy city, in the woods, on a trail, at a campsite, floating on a river, exploring a cave, making mud pies, serving others and being the me that is tucked under all this pollution ridden skin.
And so I feel defeated, but hey plus one for the kingdom! I guess its victory if I can get my spectacles to focus on the right perspective. If anyone is reading this you are privy to information that has not yet been made public. Please do not share our news with anyone, if they read my blog then they'll know : )
By the way, in no way am I not excited about this life growing inside of me. I love the idea of another little Owens' kid running around at my feet, it's just the stress of pregnancy, sleepless nights, and chasing for the next 2 + years that has me reeling.
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Family photo shoot at the beach - February 2013
We went in from the pool to have our bath and get dressed for pictures. Lola, extremely tired from a day full of swimming and playing passed out between getting dressed and me putting on a dab of make-up. That made for some serious fun. I was sad I didn't get more photos of Lola on the beach.
Gracie is 7... the perfect #
Gracie is so precious to me. Thinking back to when she was born is sometimes hard, but I can still remember with every bit of my being how intensely I loved this child from the moment I knew I was pregnant. She was "the gift" that made it evident God was still handing out grace. And so she got the name Grace. Grace Elizabeth... and she calls herself God's Grace. She loves that her name is in the Bible. Should have thought of how that would fare when we named Lola Mei... but her name is also special.
Gracie has been a firecracker since she was a wee one. Always ready to fight to get her way, she never lets us let our guard down. She is smart too and can figure out whats what. She has done well in school and is successful in dictating games around the house. She is still a chick, but likes to play hen most of the time. She is strong. She is creative. She is beautiful. She is smart. God has great things planned for this little leader of mine. She loves the Lord too, which I am most thankful for.
We celebrated her birthday back in December with "english" friends as she likes to call anyone who is from America and/or speaks English flawlessly. A couple of friends came to our city and we made puffle cupcakes and played pin the beak on the penguin. We had some other games planned, but once the styling chair came out all bets were off. Gracie and Carley headed to her bedroom to open the salon. Everyone played hard all day. It was one of the best, maybe the best, birthday party Gracie has ever had. We enjoyed being surrounded by friends.
Gracie has been a firecracker since she was a wee one. Always ready to fight to get her way, she never lets us let our guard down. She is smart too and can figure out whats what. She has done well in school and is successful in dictating games around the house. She is still a chick, but likes to play hen most of the time. She is strong. She is creative. She is beautiful. She is smart. God has great things planned for this little leader of mine. She loves the Lord too, which I am most thankful for.
We celebrated her birthday back in December with "english" friends as she likes to call anyone who is from America and/or speaks English flawlessly. A couple of friends came to our city and we made puffle cupcakes and played pin the beak on the penguin. We had some other games planned, but once the styling chair came out all bets were off. Gracie and Carley headed to her bedroom to open the salon. Everyone played hard all day. It was one of the best, maybe the best, birthday party Gracie has ever had. We enjoyed being surrounded by friends.
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| Puffle cupcakes |
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| Getting a little brush before pics |
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| The salon chair was a hit! Thanks Mims! |
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| playing pin the beak on the penguin |
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| Our friends |
Peter is 2!
What a great day we had celebrating Peter's second birthday. We were conveniently at the beach so of course we had a swimming party. Peter enjoyed his cake and ice-cream, made himself a crown and tore open his presents like a champ.
Pete had grown so much this year. He is all boy and I love it. Tough as nails but also as sweet as candy. He loves his Momma and his Momma loves him back. He still sleeps with us - that is a bit old, but he doesn't think so. He refused to be weened up until after this party - 3rd time was a charm.
I love the way he loves on his sisters, kisses his Ayi, and plays with his cars. iPod is one of his favorite things even though he doesn't get too many visits with it. He likes to call Meme and Mims on Skype and will sit and look at books for long periods of time. I cannot believe how big he has gotten. He runs like he's in a race and I love the pitter patter of his little feet coming down the hall. He also potty trained himself at 21 months, but that didn't last. it got too cold for accidents, so he reverted back to the diaper. He did well swimming with his floaties and wasn't at all intimidated with the waves in the ocean. And at 2 years old he tells us all kinds of stories, although we can only understand a fraction of them. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our boy. He is such a joy to us all.
Pete had grown so much this year. He is all boy and I love it. Tough as nails but also as sweet as candy. He loves his Momma and his Momma loves him back. He still sleeps with us - that is a bit old, but he doesn't think so. He refused to be weened up until after this party - 3rd time was a charm.
I love the way he loves on his sisters, kisses his Ayi, and plays with his cars. iPod is one of his favorite things even though he doesn't get too many visits with it. He likes to call Meme and Mims on Skype and will sit and look at books for long periods of time. I cannot believe how big he has gotten. He runs like he's in a race and I love the pitter patter of his little feet coming down the hall. He also potty trained himself at 21 months, but that didn't last. it got too cold for accidents, so he reverted back to the diaper. He did well swimming with his floaties and wasn't at all intimidated with the waves in the ocean. And at 2 years old he tells us all kinds of stories, although we can only understand a fraction of them. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our boy. He is such a joy to us all.
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| Prince Pete turns 2! Happy Birthday little man! |
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| Had some cake, now onto the ice-cream. |
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| Very excited about his new toys. |
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| "Really not into a family picture right now guys!" Shafer thought it would be fun to get in it though : ) |
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| "Yes! A dinosaur!" |
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| "Lola, look at my cool tuk tuk!" |
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| Princess Gracie, radiant as always. |
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Home School Conference 2013
Gracie is 7 and is in the middle of 2nd grade... we started late this year but that's probably all well in good since she has a late birthday. We went to a home school conference in Thailand where she tested, I got to meet with other home schooling moms and learn about all the new stuff that is out. Gracie's favorite part was of course meeting new friends and getting to see her old ones. Here is a collection of photos from our time at the conference.
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| Dorothy with Toto |
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| Gracie and her friend Shafer, who was Fritz |
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| Gracie and Andrew, her newest friend |
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| We got to eat lunch and dinner with our friends every day. Grace and Elizabeth have been friends for a couple years but grew much closer this week. The rest of my pictures are on my phone, so I will update this some time or another. |
Monday, April 01, 2013
Lola turns 4 - 9/9
Lola Mei is so precious to our family. She bounces around the house with her golden locks flowing behind her. She is a gabber. She has made it a habit to wake us every morning with a "It's morning time!" She is our alarm clock and usually gets her Mommy and Daddy time at 6 am. Being the middle child I guess that is fitting. She wants to dance, but has 2 left feet. At the same time she is so physically inclined that I have no doubt that she will be our athlete. She's tough too. No drama, no tears. She gets up and dusts herself off and carries on with whatever she was doing before a fall.
As Lola's birthday neared I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She had only cakes on her mind. Strawberry cupcakes and chocolate cake. Any toys? Not really, just cakes. And balloons. And so the party planning began and since we were in the States we were able to get a few things to bring back for the party.
Since her birthday fell on a Sunday, we made all the cakes Saturday evening. Gracie and I wrapped her presents and got everything set. Sunday we blew up the balloons and hung them with streamers. Everything was ready and after church we had a grand party. She did indeed get a few gifts, but I think she just liked the idea of having a party and celebrating herself.
Love you Lola Mei Owens! You are truly a gift from God!
As Lola's birthday neared I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She had only cakes on her mind. Strawberry cupcakes and chocolate cake. Any toys? Not really, just cakes. And balloons. And so the party planning began and since we were in the States we were able to get a few things to bring back for the party.
Since her birthday fell on a Sunday, we made all the cakes Saturday evening. Gracie and I wrapped her presents and got everything set. Sunday we blew up the balloons and hung them with streamers. Everything was ready and after church we had a grand party. She did indeed get a few gifts, but I think she just liked the idea of having a party and celebrating herself.
Love you Lola Mei Owens! You are truly a gift from God!
A lesson in trusting God - Thailand February 2013
So if you have known me for long you know I used to be quite the tree hugger. I mean I literally hugged trees - climbing them of course. While in Thailand I enjoyed a month of very few backaches and a few great adventures. Grace and I went to Adventure Land in Chiang Mai which is a ropes course, climbing wall, zip line and obstacle course playground. It was fun. Fat Mamma with her too long fingernails didn't quite make it to the top of the rock wall, but I did pretty well and at least the Thai were impressed with my "skill" - I use that term very loosely. It was a load of fun and Gracie enjoyed herself immensely. She even got to ride a crazy pony.
I have to admit that living in the city takes it out of me. I really don't like it very much and being in a place where I could climb made me feel very alive. I don't know the last time I felt so good.
A week later at the beach Lola tempted me with her desire to kayak. There we were on a beach with a rack of kayaks just waiting to be rented, $3 for an hour. Across the bay there was an island. Officially it is called monkey island because it is infested with monkeys, but we called it Daddy island because it is the shape of a man lying down. A man with a belly : ) A friend had told us that they paddled out to monkey island the morning before so I thought it would be fun. The problem lies in the fact that I do not know the ocean. I can paddle pretty well, but the tide has a way of taking you where you don't want to go. We went out easily. That should have been my first clue. Lola was nervous once we were far off the beach. She was scared we might go into the open sea. I was able to maneuver the kayak and was heading directly toward monkey island. We got close enough to see the monkeys then we turned around. That is when the trouble started and I realized the tide was going out and we were trying to go in. After repositioning for the fifth time our kayak tipped over. It was very scary for Lola, but I showed her how to lean back on her life jacket and had her hold the paddle and I bailed and flipped the kayak back over. I got her back on easily, but I couldn't get myself back on with out throwing her off again so I opted to swim.
I swam and swam and swam- for about an hour total, and although I was making progress, I was a loooong way from our beach. Lola was crying and I told her not to worry that GOd could see us. He knew where we were and what had happened and he would take care of us. I suggested we pray that someone would come along that could help us. She prayed earnestly. The bay was deserted. After 5 minutes a fishing boat trolled by about 100 feet in front of us. We yelled and waved but they didn't see us. THey were laying their nets. All I could think about was sharks. But I told myself the same thing I had already told Lola. We prayed and sang worship songs and I swam. After about 45 minutes or so another boat came into view and we started yelling. This time the boat turned and came to help. A couple had rented the boat to take them to another island and they were headed back. The Thai fishermen pulled us and our kayak up onto their deck and took us back to the beach. It was good to be safe and out of the water.
Once we got back to the beach we asked if they could help us return out kayak. We were on the other end of the beach from where we had rented it. I had to talk to the boss lady. She knew the owner of the kayak and said she would return in for us later in her truck. I asked her how much I owed her. Nothing. See, I told Lola, when God saves us it is free.
It was quite an adventure and I would say I have most certainly given my child a fear of the ocean. She was not at all interested in getting into another boat or going too far out in the ocean for the rest of our vacation. I am just thankful for God's faithfulness. He was truly with us. I could feel his Spirit giving me peace throughout the whole experience. Lola too got a lesson in trusting God.
I have to admit that living in the city takes it out of me. I really don't like it very much and being in a place where I could climb made me feel very alive. I don't know the last time I felt so good.
A week later at the beach Lola tempted me with her desire to kayak. There we were on a beach with a rack of kayaks just waiting to be rented, $3 for an hour. Across the bay there was an island. Officially it is called monkey island because it is infested with monkeys, but we called it Daddy island because it is the shape of a man lying down. A man with a belly : ) A friend had told us that they paddled out to monkey island the morning before so I thought it would be fun. The problem lies in the fact that I do not know the ocean. I can paddle pretty well, but the tide has a way of taking you where you don't want to go. We went out easily. That should have been my first clue. Lola was nervous once we were far off the beach. She was scared we might go into the open sea. I was able to maneuver the kayak and was heading directly toward monkey island. We got close enough to see the monkeys then we turned around. That is when the trouble started and I realized the tide was going out and we were trying to go in. After repositioning for the fifth time our kayak tipped over. It was very scary for Lola, but I showed her how to lean back on her life jacket and had her hold the paddle and I bailed and flipped the kayak back over. I got her back on easily, but I couldn't get myself back on with out throwing her off again so I opted to swim.
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| Daddy Island To get an idea of how far out it is look for the boat in the picture. |
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| A boat like the one that rescued us. |
It was quite an adventure and I would say I have most certainly given my child a fear of the ocean. She was not at all interested in getting into another boat or going too far out in the ocean for the rest of our vacation. I am just thankful for God's faithfulness. He was truly with us. I could feel his Spirit giving me peace throughout the whole experience. Lola too got a lesson in trusting God.
Easter 2013
Easter is the best holiday there is, no doubt! This year on Easter Sunday I improvised a lesson for the girls that was simple but so life altering for sweet Lola Mei, who is 4 and a half. As we talked about what Jesus did for us and his resurrection the light bulb came on for her. She has asked and commented on the fact that Jesus is alive and can never die again over and over for the past 48 hours. I love her interest in the Lord. She was very upset not to be able to take the Lord's supper Sunday. She asked when she could and we explained that she could once she was baptized. She has professed her faith in Jesus for some time now, but her being so young has given us reservation in allowing her to be baptized. We'll see that this new information does with her. We may not be able to keep her dry for long. She will just have Gracie baptize her in the tub if we don't do it.
Easter was full of blessings this year. Over 300 people came to our Easter egg hunt and although it started out a little out of control it ended well. You know the old saying " a few bad apples....". Well a few kids really got things stirred up at our egg hunt by sneaking into the hiding area and gathering a few eggs. Once the masses saw them others came in too thinking it was time. After a few minutes it was impossible to keep them at bay. They were too excited. We were concerned mainly because none of them had heard instructions for our activities afterward, but they all stuck around to see what else was in store. And once we finally got it going it went well. Children and their parents gathered around to hear the greatest story ever told. They made bracelets to remember the gift we were given and got an illustration with straws and paint to make clear the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. 49 professed faith. 40 came to our house the next day. I love what one of our friends who was leading a group shared with us later. She had a large group of about 20 people. The parents were telling their kids to listen, pay attention and try to understand. AMAZING!
We are so humbled when Dad moves in our presence. We didn't do much more than gather the sheep and ask some fellow workers to give them some hay... and our Father changed lives. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but Spirit gives birth to spirit. How grateful we are that the Spirit has given us new life! Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross. And praise God for raising Him from the dead.
Yes, Lola, it is cool that Jesus will never die again.
He lives!
Easter was full of blessings this year. Over 300 people came to our Easter egg hunt and although it started out a little out of control it ended well. You know the old saying " a few bad apples....". Well a few kids really got things stirred up at our egg hunt by sneaking into the hiding area and gathering a few eggs. Once the masses saw them others came in too thinking it was time. After a few minutes it was impossible to keep them at bay. They were too excited. We were concerned mainly because none of them had heard instructions for our activities afterward, but they all stuck around to see what else was in store. And once we finally got it going it went well. Children and their parents gathered around to hear the greatest story ever told. They made bracelets to remember the gift we were given and got an illustration with straws and paint to make clear the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. 49 professed faith. 40 came to our house the next day. I love what one of our friends who was leading a group shared with us later. She had a large group of about 20 people. The parents were telling their kids to listen, pay attention and try to understand. AMAZING!
We are so humbled when Dad moves in our presence. We didn't do much more than gather the sheep and ask some fellow workers to give them some hay... and our Father changed lives. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but Spirit gives birth to spirit. How grateful we are that the Spirit has given us new life! Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross. And praise God for raising Him from the dead.
Yes, Lola, it is cool that Jesus will never die again.
He lives!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Purchasing a Dryer in China is not for the faint of heart
So my kiddos were sick today so Matt let me go out shopping for a dryer in lieu of home school. Nice man : ) So I went to the store and asked to see a dryer... at which time I was told they had no dryers in the sea of 100s of washers. I said I'd look around. Then "aha" we do have a dryer. But no one knew the specs and there was no manual. Another lady who seemed to know a little something said they had Haier brand which is what I wanted, but what she actually meant was that they sold Haier brand. She found her list of products and read off the two products # to me as if that told me what I needed to know. Then she boldly explained that one was a 5kg dryer and the other 7kg. But there were none in the store and they didn't have a picture and no there was no finding it on the intranet company site and no they had no idea the wattage or the basic design, or basically anything about their products. So I called the computer guy (aka - hubs) and asked him to look on the internet. In all the confusion I texted one of my girlfriends in country and asked the specs of her dryer and the model # since she claims her dryer works well. So the lesser of the two dryers at the store was basically the same model # with just an added A which I was told was because it was a newer model. Well that made sense, if it had any founding in fact... but alas she made that up because of course she had no idea. When I finally got home, after purchasing the 5kg dryer, I just had that sick "I just bought another piece of junk" feeling. So we looked up the model # again and as soon as I saw a picture I knew I had bought the wrong thing. Yikes! Anyone who lives in China knows that one cannot simply return things that are broken, unused or unwanted. But since the dryer had not yet been delivered I hoped. I called the saleswoman and she said I could have a refund or better yet upgrade to the other dryer. Well, I didn't agree to that right away. After some more research I did find that the 7kg dryer actually looks like a normal dryer and appears to be a device that will actually dry towels in less that 3 hours. So, I did it. I upgraded and tomorrow for the first time in 7 years I will wash towels and the sheets on everyone's bed with no fear of a 3 day drying festival. Oh the trouble it takes to buy simple things in China. Oh how I miss Home Depot on days like today.
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