Well here's the deal...
If you don't have kids you probably don't have an opinion. If you are in your first pregnancy you may not know what your opinion is quite yet... but you will. But of course that also depends on the drama you do or don't have throughout your pregnancy. Drama tends to take the focus off a perfected labor and birth experience and shifts it to a healthy baby and mom. Which, of course, is what everyone hopes for in the end.
Us natural folks do tend to get a little excited about our birthing rights. We don't want anyone telling us we have to adhere to this way or that way. We want to have our experience. We don't like drugs in general and we trust our bodies. Yes, we trust the God manufactured baby maker. Do we know that things can go wrong? Yes, we know. Things rarely go wrong, but some times they do. We keep this truth always in our minds and I think most of us have educated ourselves well enough, or surrounded ourselves with educated people (i.e. midwives and doulas and OBs) so that we can have a heads up in case of risks during pregnancy. We aren't all granola tree huggers that sit in a wade pool alone and wait for nature to take its coarse. Although that is also pretty cool. Back to the granola in a minute.
The thing is we are all different. Its totally fine with me if you want an epidural. I personally hate the things. I've had 2... not intended, one gleefully accepted and the other pushed on me until I accepted. But that doesn't matter. I love my girls not an ounce less because of my birth experience... but I didn't love my birth experience. I felt unsupported, out of control, anxious, scared, disappointed and numb during my first 2 births. If I did them both over again I may still have had an epidural with my first, definitely wouldn't have had one with my second and I can tell you it really is about choices and those choices being supported by your health care provider. Doctors like to say you can do as you please, but when they tell a first time momma that she can have a natural birth but they know full well that they have zero training and the nurses have zero training in natural birth... that is misleading. Praise the Lord for those nurses and midwives who have gone the extra mile to learn how to support women during childbirth... a caring soul who walks with you and speaks gently in your ear and helps you change positions and cheers you on. Every woman needs this kind of support.
My third and fourth births were totally natural. You can go back to Feb. 2011 and read all about the Peter saga... the short story is that he was born at home because he came really quick. My husband caught him and it was an amazing moment. With Noah, born just 8 days ago, I had a hospital birth in Thailand. It was all natural as well. But there was drama with the pregnancy and it took some of the heat out of my natural birth fire. I still did my thing and it was hard. I hated being in the hospital to tell the truth. I didn't like it a bit. I wish it had been at home on my bed with my husband being the first to touch our son, speaking to him when only his head was out, and handing him to me a few seconds later to nurse. But every birth is different and Noah has his own birth story. And I am thankful it was uneventful. Really, I am. He is healthy and I am healthy and I am thankful. And I look at him and I am so in love. And if I had had an epidural or a c-section I would still be just as in love... but I would not have enjoyed the experience. And here is a confession... I did not enjoy pushing Noah out. It hurt like hell and I wondered to myself during it all why I would choose to do this without drugs. Yes, I had that moment... but it was fleeting and Noah came out and all is well. The doula in me knows that the doctor urging me to push was not the best thing... I should have taken it slower... the contractions would have helped him down... but I made a conscience decision to get him out or endure maybe 10 more minutes of those grueling contractions. Anyway, maybe I am granola... it was hard to enjoy labor in the sterile hospital environment. We couldn't get our music going. I didn't have a doula, but that was ok. I used all my visualization techniques which do work wonderfully and I praised the Lord through it all. And you know what, I would never trade my natural birth for a birth with drugs or interventions.
I have a friend who loves her epidurals. I totally get it. Believe me I do! But that's not me. I don't judge her. I love her. I love her kiddos. She is a great mom. I have friends and family members who have had elective c-sections. Crazy... yes. I guess I might judge them a little because I think it is so crazy, but that is their choice. What bugs me is when people are coaxed into decisions without information. They don't understand the risks. They don't have a clue the alternatives because the alternatives aren't made available to them.
Labor is hard. Birth is not easy. But it is rewarding. You carry this little person in your belly for 9 months and then the climax is a painful symphony of contractions ending with a burning, splitting pain in the down under and finally a cry. A beautiful baby. A gift from above. So how you birth does matter. It matters to the momma. If she needs an epidural to enjoy that experience then she should have one, but for those of us who just want to experience birth in the raw, working through the pain and feeling stronger for it... then that is what we should do. This is not a war. This is a beautiful individual experience. I can't tell you how you are supposed to feel and its not right for someone else to tell me how I am supposed to feel. Because we are different. God made us that way.
Now, back to granola. If you are in the natural birthing circles you know the name Ina May very well. She is the guru of midwifery. She and her husband came out of the 60's hippy movement. They started a commune known as the farm in NC and she ended heading an amazing home birth environment for decades. She is well respected in the medical community and has published books that have made natural birth possible for so many. Now, this woman knows her stuff. She is a voice for the woman and the baby. The statistics of healthy birth, natural birth, at the farm far outnumber any hospital. My point is only that their is scientific evidence that leans toward natural birth being a more healthy way. Many woman do choose natural birth because they feel it is best for their own bodies as well as their babies. There are 2 camps: the medical model and the midwifery model. All I am saying is that folks should be informed and know their options. You should know yourself and make the best choice for you. There is no need to bash natural childbirth and honestly I see no reason to bash the medical alternative. I just hope that every woman can experience a beautiful birth. The memory truly does last a lifetime.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
Baby Hatch
Baby Hatch gives me hope.
Baby Hatch... I wish we could begin to teach them to care for their children. I wish there could be mass education and propaganda that children with disabilities are special. I wish these parents were given support from their families, neighbors, and community. There is a lot of judgement, a lot of bad advice given, and many people are giving up babies they should be keeping, that they probably want to keep but feel pressured to give up. Same thing happens with abortion. I've seen it, I've heard it, I'm sickened by it, and I pray one day "survival of the fittest" will no longer rule the minds of these people. Please pray for China. Pray for families who have babies with special needs. It will take some courageous people to start the movement, but I believe it can and will happen. This has been on my heart for many years. Bless those who are waiting with open arms to care for these babies. I'm about to blog about this... so much to say.
And so I blog....
Baby Hatch gives me hope. It shows me that there are many in this country who love the disabled and sick. It shows me that prejudice is lifting and that people are beginning to love others. This is huge. I have visited orphanages and seen the nannies love on the children. I don't know if they all do it because they love the children. I am sure for some it is just a job, but I see these children call them mama and I see the nannies give them affection. Most babies in these state run orphanages were abandoned at the door. It was illegal for years to abandon your baby, but hundreds of thousands did it anyway. There are many reasons people abandoned babies. Finances are probably the biggest reason. That and the desire to have a boy. I've been privy to knowing families who have abandoned babies or "taken them to the orphanage" because the baby was a girl. Another girl. Oh no! But in a country where they were only allowed to have one child for many moons (now they can have 2) the pressure was on for women to give birth to a son. If a girl child was born then they'd try again. Heaven forbid another girl... this was just bad luck. For the rich a fine can be paid and a card can be obtained that allows the child to go to school and be an active member of society. For the poor, the child stays in the village, they may or may not be able to go to a village school without proper papers, but in essence they don't exist. They can never get any legal documents themselves without having a ID card. So, it is a horrible bind these parents are in when they have over the legal number of children.
Now, Baby Hatch seems to be specially designed for sick children. That is not surprising. Although medical costs can sore when a child has a life long condition I'm not so sure that is why these children are being abandoned. It is not my place to judge the families. My heart breaks for them. I have been witness to many women who seem to have no motherly instincts toward their children... this I don't understand, but it happens. Most however love their children. They don't always show it the way we do in the West. They don't usually lavish children with words of affection or hugs and kisses, but they love them. The problem I see though is that in this communal society what your neighbor next door thinks about you is really important. People are in competition when it comes to their children. They compare everything from looks to grades in school. Being the best is important and being the least is a horrid thought. Of course that doesn't mean people don't love their children regardless, but it does mean that they have a negative attitude about them in regard to their weakness. They blame them, they tell them they aren't as good, and the sad thing is that they believe that themselves. Society has made these parents believe their child isn't as good. The Chinese are very open with their opinions too. They point out perceived faults, they will ask a perfect stranger questions about an imperfection that would make our blood curl. Sometimes they are being cruel, but often they are just playing out an atheistic view of mankind. Love on merit. The best man wins. Survival of the fittest. They actually never consider the emotions of others, they just rehash advice that has been cultivated in their hearts over the decades. So when a woman has a baby with disabilities that baby is worthless. I'm not saying the mother feels that way, but that is the message she is given. A message that echos from way back. She will be told that the burden will be too great for her family. You see that child is the entire family's problem, not just mom and dad's. She'll be reminded that the child will not be able to learn or work or be an active member of society. The child will never meet their filial duties in life. So the stress of already having to deal with a child with disabilities becomes so great with the added pressures of family and community that people give up their babies. If they had know in-utero they probably would have aborted.
This societal pressure is what needs to change. There needs to be some serious propaganda that these children matter. There needs to be government programs, at least in the schools for disabled children. Society must have a change of heart and accept these children and respect their parents enough not to degrade them. I see the tides changing. Baby Hatch gives me hope. In a country where there are no good samaritans I see beauty rising from the ashes. God created these children, He loves them and I see that He is rising up a band of soldiers to care for them.
Baby Hatch... I wish we could begin to teach them to care for their children. I wish there could be mass education and propaganda that children with disabilities are special. I wish these parents were given support from their families, neighbors, and community. There is a lot of judgement, a lot of bad advice given, and many people are giving up babies they should be keeping, that they probably want to keep but feel pressured to give up. Same thing happens with abortion. I've seen it, I've heard it, I'm sickened by it, and I pray one day "survival of the fittest" will no longer rule the minds of these people. Please pray for China. Pray for families who have babies with special needs. It will take some courageous people to start the movement, but I believe it can and will happen. This has been on my heart for many years. Bless those who are waiting with open arms to care for these babies. I'm about to blog about this... so much to say.
And so I blog....
Baby Hatch gives me hope. It shows me that there are many in this country who love the disabled and sick. It shows me that prejudice is lifting and that people are beginning to love others. This is huge. I have visited orphanages and seen the nannies love on the children. I don't know if they all do it because they love the children. I am sure for some it is just a job, but I see these children call them mama and I see the nannies give them affection. Most babies in these state run orphanages were abandoned at the door. It was illegal for years to abandon your baby, but hundreds of thousands did it anyway. There are many reasons people abandoned babies. Finances are probably the biggest reason. That and the desire to have a boy. I've been privy to knowing families who have abandoned babies or "taken them to the orphanage" because the baby was a girl. Another girl. Oh no! But in a country where they were only allowed to have one child for many moons (now they can have 2) the pressure was on for women to give birth to a son. If a girl child was born then they'd try again. Heaven forbid another girl... this was just bad luck. For the rich a fine can be paid and a card can be obtained that allows the child to go to school and be an active member of society. For the poor, the child stays in the village, they may or may not be able to go to a village school without proper papers, but in essence they don't exist. They can never get any legal documents themselves without having a ID card. So, it is a horrible bind these parents are in when they have over the legal number of children.
Now, Baby Hatch seems to be specially designed for sick children. That is not surprising. Although medical costs can sore when a child has a life long condition I'm not so sure that is why these children are being abandoned. It is not my place to judge the families. My heart breaks for them. I have been witness to many women who seem to have no motherly instincts toward their children... this I don't understand, but it happens. Most however love their children. They don't always show it the way we do in the West. They don't usually lavish children with words of affection or hugs and kisses, but they love them. The problem I see though is that in this communal society what your neighbor next door thinks about you is really important. People are in competition when it comes to their children. They compare everything from looks to grades in school. Being the best is important and being the least is a horrid thought. Of course that doesn't mean people don't love their children regardless, but it does mean that they have a negative attitude about them in regard to their weakness. They blame them, they tell them they aren't as good, and the sad thing is that they believe that themselves. Society has made these parents believe their child isn't as good. The Chinese are very open with their opinions too. They point out perceived faults, they will ask a perfect stranger questions about an imperfection that would make our blood curl. Sometimes they are being cruel, but often they are just playing out an atheistic view of mankind. Love on merit. The best man wins. Survival of the fittest. They actually never consider the emotions of others, they just rehash advice that has been cultivated in their hearts over the decades. So when a woman has a baby with disabilities that baby is worthless. I'm not saying the mother feels that way, but that is the message she is given. A message that echos from way back. She will be told that the burden will be too great for her family. You see that child is the entire family's problem, not just mom and dad's. She'll be reminded that the child will not be able to learn or work or be an active member of society. The child will never meet their filial duties in life. So the stress of already having to deal with a child with disabilities becomes so great with the added pressures of family and community that people give up their babies. If they had know in-utero they probably would have aborted.
This societal pressure is what needs to change. There needs to be some serious propaganda that these children matter. There needs to be government programs, at least in the schools for disabled children. Society must have a change of heart and accept these children and respect their parents enough not to degrade them. I see the tides changing. Baby Hatch gives me hope. In a country where there are no good samaritans I see beauty rising from the ashes. God created these children, He loves them and I see that He is rising up a band of soldiers to care for them.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Noah Makes An Early Arrival
Noah Leif Owens was born June 14, 2014 at 2:29 am. He was two weeks early and right on time! We are in love to say the least. He is perfectly perfect, a gift from above!
The birth story is no drama. We have prayed that Noah would just enter the world easy and live up to his name and be found righteous. That is our prayer for our baby boy. What he will become and what his strengths and weaknesses will be are not yet known. But our prayer is the same, that he may be found righteous in God's sight.
His middle name is Leif. I wanted a name that reminded me of my favorite things which are basically my family and the great outdoors. I've had an adventurous spirit all my life, so to name him after an explorer and missionary seemed fit and of course you can't hear the name Leif and not think of the green green forest.
Noah Leif is perfectly perfect.
So this pregnancy was not what I would consider perfect. It began with a start - it was quite a surprise for this momma who thought our nest was full. I experienced sickness and was in bed for days at the time. I had a big scare in the first trimester after a coughing fit and thought I'd lost this precious baby. I called out to the Lord, confessed my wickedness and selfishness to him and begged him to allow me this child. I had a few weeks of feeling well then my blood pressure went crazy and I found myself wondering if my health would hold out. I was counting the weeks until I would feel in the safe zone. At the 34+ weeks we traveled to Thailand as travel wasn't exactly the safest thing for me. The day we left I felt horrible and we debated whether to go to the airport or the hospital. My blood pressure was all over the place. We made it and after a couple days I felt better. I saw a doctor and then another and began trying to figure out all the logistics of giving birth in Chiang Mai. Of course I wanted to have a natural birth, but couldn't count on another home birth because of my health. I would have wanted that if possible. Due to all the health issues I basically felt 9 months pregnant for the entire last trimester. I was out of breath and often felt exhausted. Gestational diabetes prevented even food from being a comfort. Once in Thailand the days became weeks and I hoped for an early arrival. Ironic I guess since I had prayed so hard for Noah to stay put and grow safely in my womb until the time he could be born safely.
On the evening of Friday the 13th Pete gave us a time. Full moon. He didn't want to go to bed. Matt and I switched off and I finally relented and laid down with him. I think it was close to 10 pm before he went to sleep. I think this was a blessing though since it meant he slept through the night without missing Momma. At midnight I woke up and felt something wet. It wasn't a gush and I wasn't sure if I had peed myself or what, but when I went to the bathroom it was pretty clear my water had broken. Then more came and I was sure I was sure. I poked my head out into our living room area and told Matt. He was a bit in shock I think. We called our friend Kris and she said she'd come right over. I was a bit worried of a repeat of Pete's birth so I sent Matt down to get the manager of The Juniper Tree. She came and sat with out sleeping kids until Kris arrived. So thankful for these people here!
We called one of the gardeners here who also gives rides around town in his off hours. Mr. Khamsi has become one of our favorite people here with his wide smile and servants heart. He was in front of our little guest house within 5 minutes. We climber into his extra cab truck and headed to the hospital. Being the middle of the night and knowing my back up doctor would not be at the private hospital I chose to go the government hospital. It wasn't my first choice because of the vast numbers of people you encounter just entering the main entrance, but at 12:45 am it was still. No one was around. It probably helps too that there is a national curfew here from 12:00 to 4:00 a.m. So, I went up to the 12th floor.
It took about 10 minutes to get into the labor room, but once inside I got up from the wheelchair and started walking. My contractions began soon after. By 1:15 we were timing them and by 2:00 they were a couple minutes apart and pretty strong. It was just me and Matt in the labor room. A nurse stuck her head in at some point and asked if I wanted to push. I guess they could time my contractions by my loud moans. I decided to check for the head. No need to let the doctors have all the fun so I found a glove and sure enough the crown of Noah's head could be touched. After a few more contractions I was feeling a little pushy so I told Matt to tell the doctor to come in. She was followed by a horde of nurses which I politely refused entrance. They came back though later... but by then I was unaware of it. The doctor let Matt be my supporter. He did everything and she just encouraged me to push. I debated whether I wanted to push hard or go through more painful contractions. I wondered why on earth I didn't want pain meds? It was probably a five minute span until Noah's head was finally out and I knew I had to just keep going for another good push. After he was born I was more than exhausted. I couldn't even move. I was so sore. The placenta came with no problem and everything just worked right. I was so aware of everything, but it was also like a dream. Matt was handed Noah immediately and I knew that it was a special time for them so I was ok waiting a few minutes to get my hands on him. He was beautiful!
Unlike Lola or Pete he wasn't interested in nursing. He was interested in cuddling and sleeping. So that is basically what we did for the next 12 hours. Well he slept and I looked at him. Nurses came in and out and they moved me to a room at 6am. Matt went back to our guest house and so life with #4 began. He is nursing well, he is precious. We all love him. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and for this sweet baby boy!
The birth story is no drama. We have prayed that Noah would just enter the world easy and live up to his name and be found righteous. That is our prayer for our baby boy. What he will become and what his strengths and weaknesses will be are not yet known. But our prayer is the same, that he may be found righteous in God's sight.
His middle name is Leif. I wanted a name that reminded me of my favorite things which are basically my family and the great outdoors. I've had an adventurous spirit all my life, so to name him after an explorer and missionary seemed fit and of course you can't hear the name Leif and not think of the green green forest.
Noah Leif is perfectly perfect.
So this pregnancy was not what I would consider perfect. It began with a start - it was quite a surprise for this momma who thought our nest was full. I experienced sickness and was in bed for days at the time. I had a big scare in the first trimester after a coughing fit and thought I'd lost this precious baby. I called out to the Lord, confessed my wickedness and selfishness to him and begged him to allow me this child. I had a few weeks of feeling well then my blood pressure went crazy and I found myself wondering if my health would hold out. I was counting the weeks until I would feel in the safe zone. At the 34+ weeks we traveled to Thailand as travel wasn't exactly the safest thing for me. The day we left I felt horrible and we debated whether to go to the airport or the hospital. My blood pressure was all over the place. We made it and after a couple days I felt better. I saw a doctor and then another and began trying to figure out all the logistics of giving birth in Chiang Mai. Of course I wanted to have a natural birth, but couldn't count on another home birth because of my health. I would have wanted that if possible. Due to all the health issues I basically felt 9 months pregnant for the entire last trimester. I was out of breath and often felt exhausted. Gestational diabetes prevented even food from being a comfort. Once in Thailand the days became weeks and I hoped for an early arrival. Ironic I guess since I had prayed so hard for Noah to stay put and grow safely in my womb until the time he could be born safely.
On the evening of Friday the 13th Pete gave us a time. Full moon. He didn't want to go to bed. Matt and I switched off and I finally relented and laid down with him. I think it was close to 10 pm before he went to sleep. I think this was a blessing though since it meant he slept through the night without missing Momma. At midnight I woke up and felt something wet. It wasn't a gush and I wasn't sure if I had peed myself or what, but when I went to the bathroom it was pretty clear my water had broken. Then more came and I was sure I was sure. I poked my head out into our living room area and told Matt. He was a bit in shock I think. We called our friend Kris and she said she'd come right over. I was a bit worried of a repeat of Pete's birth so I sent Matt down to get the manager of The Juniper Tree. She came and sat with out sleeping kids until Kris arrived. So thankful for these people here!
We called one of the gardeners here who also gives rides around town in his off hours. Mr. Khamsi has become one of our favorite people here with his wide smile and servants heart. He was in front of our little guest house within 5 minutes. We climber into his extra cab truck and headed to the hospital. Being the middle of the night and knowing my back up doctor would not be at the private hospital I chose to go the government hospital. It wasn't my first choice because of the vast numbers of people you encounter just entering the main entrance, but at 12:45 am it was still. No one was around. It probably helps too that there is a national curfew here from 12:00 to 4:00 a.m. So, I went up to the 12th floor.
It took about 10 minutes to get into the labor room, but once inside I got up from the wheelchair and started walking. My contractions began soon after. By 1:15 we were timing them and by 2:00 they were a couple minutes apart and pretty strong. It was just me and Matt in the labor room. A nurse stuck her head in at some point and asked if I wanted to push. I guess they could time my contractions by my loud moans. I decided to check for the head. No need to let the doctors have all the fun so I found a glove and sure enough the crown of Noah's head could be touched. After a few more contractions I was feeling a little pushy so I told Matt to tell the doctor to come in. She was followed by a horde of nurses which I politely refused entrance. They came back though later... but by then I was unaware of it. The doctor let Matt be my supporter. He did everything and she just encouraged me to push. I debated whether I wanted to push hard or go through more painful contractions. I wondered why on earth I didn't want pain meds? It was probably a five minute span until Noah's head was finally out and I knew I had to just keep going for another good push. After he was born I was more than exhausted. I couldn't even move. I was so sore. The placenta came with no problem and everything just worked right. I was so aware of everything, but it was also like a dream. Matt was handed Noah immediately and I knew that it was a special time for them so I was ok waiting a few minutes to get my hands on him. He was beautiful!
Unlike Lola or Pete he wasn't interested in nursing. He was interested in cuddling and sleeping. So that is basically what we did for the next 12 hours. Well he slept and I looked at him. Nurses came in and out and they moved me to a room at 6am. Matt went back to our guest house and so life with #4 began. He is nursing well, he is precious. We all love him. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and for this sweet baby boy!
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Chiang Mai Landing
Well its been good to be in Chiang Mai. We are staying at the Juniper Tree, a kind of oasis from the daily grind we usually live. There are several families here with kids our kids ages and so they have made fast friends. We too have enjoyed being with other like minded expats. The pool is a plus! The kids have swam and swam and swam themselves deliriously tired. As for me, I am 34+ weeks pregnant, having issues with shortness of breath, tachycardia and blood pressure (but the blood pressure has been pretty good). With all that I am very thankful we are at a place that prepares 3 meals a day for us and does the laundry. That is why we chose the Juniper Tree and it has proven to be a wise choice. The kids have had some trouble getting used to the different tastes offered here, but its nothing peanut butter and jelly can't remedy.
Its day 10 and I have now been to see 2 doctors and 2 hospitals. I am pleased with the doctor, but not so much with the hospital. Its just kind of old school, extremely medically (I mean it is a hospital and all) and makes me wish for some nice birthing suite somewhere. The funny thing is that in our city in China, although the health care is lacking, the facilities have improved tremendously with new wards, comfortable surroundings and state of the art equipment. If I had no issues I would have surely considered just staying home this go round. But we are here and here we will stay until Noah makes his grand appearance.
So, in Thai news, the military ordered martial law yesterday and the citizens of Bangkok were greeted with tanks and armed forces on their way to work. There is a long history of protest and coups here. When we were in Bangkok in 2008 to have Lola they were protesting. It was loud and the sheer # of people was amazing. We would walk on the Sky Train bridge overhead and watch them as they chanted and shouted their slogans. It wasn't unnerving at all - it just was. In 2010 there was much more violence associated with the protesting. They wanted the leader out and he finally fled only to be replaced by his sister (I think). The yellow shirts cry corruption and I think that is the general consensus, but there are others who support the leaders and their means and have voted them into power. They like the subsidies and other changes the government has made and so there is a rift. Anyway, in February of this year we had to renew visas so we came to Bangkok. It was a lockdown and many of the major intersections were closed with protesting. There was a huge stage set up at Central Mall on Sukumvit right in the middle of the intersection. Speakers and musicians would take turns addressing and entertaining. Tents lined the sidewalks and the streets. There were vendors peddling their goods and food stalls everywhere. It seemed more like a fair than a protest, until a speaker began blaring the injustices over a loud speaker - then you could feel a bit of tension. It made me feel uneasy. It was terribly inconvenient because you could not taxi to many places and being pregnant made it difficult to do much. Thankfully we were only in Bangkok several days. On the day before the election we tried to take the kids to the aquarium, but our taxi wanted to let us off right in the middle of the protest. Although it was still daylight, and considered mostly safe, I just felt a tension in the air and decided we should just go back to the guesthouse. Later in the evening we walked up the street to grab some burgers and a local calmly told us we should head back to our hotel because their had been a lot of violence that day, people had been shot and several were killed. Yes, it was definitely a different situation this time.
I learned more about the tension between the red shirts and the yellow shirts. I also found out that the red shirts really don't care for the government "they" voted in to be removed. They aren't really not down with another coup. We've been watching the situation for some time. The state of emergency was lifted in March or early April and things seemed to be cooling off - although no one had what they really wanted. I have been so sickly &/or busy getting ready for this trip that I failed to keep up the last few weeks. Apparently 2 weeks ago the president or prime minister or whatever they call their leader here was removed along with 9 of the cabinet. I'm sure this did not sit well with the red shirts. In between March and now I have read several reports of suspected bombs, more protests and a couple shootings. But in general, Thailand is one of the most peaceful places on earth so you have to take it all into perspective. With the military declaring martial law yesterday I think everyone is waiting to see what will happen next. They say it is not a coup. But I believe there are some standing poised to retaliate if it becomes one. We of course pray for the peace of Thailand, not only because we are here, but also because we love the Thai people. They are so sweet and endearing.
So that is my take on the situation, but there is no change in Chaing Mai for the moment. I guess I may not know anyway since I am secluded in my little oasis RESTING. I am so ready to get out and about, but today like most days getting out amounts to walking to the dining hall. Thankful I am for that dining hall and meeting place. Chicken and chips tonight (that means french fries) but I'll be eating brown rice and chicken with some kind of vegetable to keep my sugar at bay. More on that later. Sawadee Kha!
Its day 10 and I have now been to see 2 doctors and 2 hospitals. I am pleased with the doctor, but not so much with the hospital. Its just kind of old school, extremely medically (I mean it is a hospital and all) and makes me wish for some nice birthing suite somewhere. The funny thing is that in our city in China, although the health care is lacking, the facilities have improved tremendously with new wards, comfortable surroundings and state of the art equipment. If I had no issues I would have surely considered just staying home this go round. But we are here and here we will stay until Noah makes his grand appearance.
So, in Thai news, the military ordered martial law yesterday and the citizens of Bangkok were greeted with tanks and armed forces on their way to work. There is a long history of protest and coups here. When we were in Bangkok in 2008 to have Lola they were protesting. It was loud and the sheer # of people was amazing. We would walk on the Sky Train bridge overhead and watch them as they chanted and shouted their slogans. It wasn't unnerving at all - it just was. In 2010 there was much more violence associated with the protesting. They wanted the leader out and he finally fled only to be replaced by his sister (I think). The yellow shirts cry corruption and I think that is the general consensus, but there are others who support the leaders and their means and have voted them into power. They like the subsidies and other changes the government has made and so there is a rift. Anyway, in February of this year we had to renew visas so we came to Bangkok. It was a lockdown and many of the major intersections were closed with protesting. There was a huge stage set up at Central Mall on Sukumvit right in the middle of the intersection. Speakers and musicians would take turns addressing and entertaining. Tents lined the sidewalks and the streets. There were vendors peddling their goods and food stalls everywhere. It seemed more like a fair than a protest, until a speaker began blaring the injustices over a loud speaker - then you could feel a bit of tension. It made me feel uneasy. It was terribly inconvenient because you could not taxi to many places and being pregnant made it difficult to do much. Thankfully we were only in Bangkok several days. On the day before the election we tried to take the kids to the aquarium, but our taxi wanted to let us off right in the middle of the protest. Although it was still daylight, and considered mostly safe, I just felt a tension in the air and decided we should just go back to the guesthouse. Later in the evening we walked up the street to grab some burgers and a local calmly told us we should head back to our hotel because their had been a lot of violence that day, people had been shot and several were killed. Yes, it was definitely a different situation this time.
I learned more about the tension between the red shirts and the yellow shirts. I also found out that the red shirts really don't care for the government "they" voted in to be removed. They aren't really not down with another coup. We've been watching the situation for some time. The state of emergency was lifted in March or early April and things seemed to be cooling off - although no one had what they really wanted. I have been so sickly &/or busy getting ready for this trip that I failed to keep up the last few weeks. Apparently 2 weeks ago the president or prime minister or whatever they call their leader here was removed along with 9 of the cabinet. I'm sure this did not sit well with the red shirts. In between March and now I have read several reports of suspected bombs, more protests and a couple shootings. But in general, Thailand is one of the most peaceful places on earth so you have to take it all into perspective. With the military declaring martial law yesterday I think everyone is waiting to see what will happen next. They say it is not a coup. But I believe there are some standing poised to retaliate if it becomes one. We of course pray for the peace of Thailand, not only because we are here, but also because we love the Thai people. They are so sweet and endearing.
So that is my take on the situation, but there is no change in Chaing Mai for the moment. I guess I may not know anyway since I am secluded in my little oasis RESTING. I am so ready to get out and about, but today like most days getting out amounts to walking to the dining hall. Thankful I am for that dining hall and meeting place. Chicken and chips tonight (that means french fries) but I'll be eating brown rice and chicken with some kind of vegetable to keep my sugar at bay. More on that later. Sawadee Kha!
Thursday, April 03, 2014
Why are Christians beginning to defend sin?
I have tried really hard not to get on this bandwagon, really I have, but I cannot stand it any longer. My heart is knotted up and I've woken in the night completely broken hearted over things I keep hearing... that loving others now means embracing their sin. Now to set the record straight I am not without sin and I am not one to go around throwing stones, but speaking truth and throwing stones is not really in the same category. We are to speak the truth to our brothers and sisters in love. We are to bring them to repentance. They are supposed to do the same for us. But somewhere in the culture war many Christians have made the line between good and evil blurry. They have taken their foot and erased the line in the sand. I don't expect the world to live sinless lives or even to try to live sinless lives. I expect them to do what feels good, make their own rules and accept and even teach falsehood to others. I do not expect that behavior from Christians.
Jesus said we would be persecuted. Why then do some of us try so hard to walk the neutral line that will prevent anyone from thinking we are different. This is a general problem, but the issue at hand is homosexuality. Let's look at what we are talking about here. A man with a man or a woman with a woman - sexually. First of all, noone can say it is natural, even an atheist can see the parts don't fit. My 3 year old plays perfection and knows the square can't go in the circle hole. Not to mention that sex does have a purpose other than sensual satisfaction. Sex is a mammals way to reproduce. See, I don't even have to say anything religious to make my point. It is just unnatural.
Are the feelings natural? I'd say the feeling and desires one may have that leads them to a homosexual lifestyle are probably natural in a sense. I mean if your mind is opened to anything, your mind will usually go there. We think about whatever we have been exposed to, whether it be sex or food or a tv show. Some people are more likely to think about one than the other - true. I think most Christians have struggled with some sinful thoughts, whether it be hate, anger, drugs, lust, pornography or even homosexuality. Sometimes we act on those thoughts, but I hope that we are cut to the heart with guilt because we have sinned. I hope that the Holy Spirit has dealt with our thoughts way before we act on them. Godly sorrow does lead to repentance. The Lord knows we are sinners, but he saved us and He starts the process of sanctification at that point. We all have struggles, but we have to fight. We have to constantly fill our hearts and minds with His word, walk with Him and allow Him to search our hearts and purify us. We have to repent. And sometimes we have to repent again and again. Sometimes we have to have someone who will hold us accountable and help us. That is what AA is all about. As Christians we should be living out lives alongside other Christians who hold us up and hold us accountable, love us and speak truth to us because they love us. When my friend tells me she is struggling with pride I don't judge her, I ask her more about it, I ask her how I can help. I ask her every few days how she is doing, how God is directing her and speaking to her. I learn from her and learn from God and we both can grow and we grow closer too.
So stop already with the acceptance of homosexuality. People will do what they are going to do. We cannot make them do what is right. But if they call themselves Christians then they should strive to walk like one. I am not hateful toward these people who struggle. I am broken hearted for them. I know what it is like to struggle. Probably everyone does. But to struggle with sin and choosing to actively live in sin are two different things. Maybe they have bought into the lie that if they are struggling with feelings of homosexuality then they should embrace it so they can be happy. Well, should an alcoholic embrace his every desire to become drunk or a pedophile embrace his desire to abuse children? Should I scream at my children in a fit of rage because I have a bad temper and just do it because that is how I blow off steam and accept it as good? The examples could go on. With so many sins we call them what they are - sin! We say that is not good. We try not to walk in that behavior. We don't want our brokenness to define us. We want to be free. We get help. Or we hide it I suppose. At any rate, homosexuality has become the sin we are not allowed to call sin. And how will they repent if they don't even see that they are sinning.
Last week World Vision decided that they would hire legally married homosexual couples. The backlash was great from the Christian community and they reversed their decision within 24 hours. The comments I read were ludicrous. This is why. World Vision did not decide that they would hire anyone, regardless of religion, lifestyle, etc. NO, their rules held firm than you must be a Christian. You could not be having sexual relations outside marriage nor could you be in found in adultery. But if you are actively living out a gay lifestyle then - OK! Come on down and serve the Lord and worship with us and spread your free love agenda at our Christian workplace. You see they were embracing homosexuality. That is a problem when Christians condone sin. They reversed their decision probably because they instantly lost supporters. The whole thing is sad and pathetic. But then I saw so many Christians get all mad at Christians who tried to hold them accountable for their decision. Arg! So the homosexuals out there are now even more confused. Do Christians hate us or do they accept us? Can we go to church with our partner and worship and mingle and be part of the community of believers and no one will say what we are doing is sin? That is what they want. But guess what, if I am cheating on my husband and decide to take my lover to church can I expect to walk in and walk out and everyone just be ok with that? If I have a drinking problem can I just take my flask to church and booze it up in the balcony while I listen to the sermon?
If you are reading this and you think that I am saying we should not love and accept people who struggle with thoughts of homosexuality - that is not what I am saying. I am saying that people who confess to be Christians should expect to be held accountable. They should not expect that other Christians will accept it if they decide to actively walk in this sin. Temptation is not sin! But acting on it surely can be! Let us be the church and call sin - SIN!
You know what else? People who deal with homosexual desires are struggling. Some of them are coming to a conclusion that this is the way God made them and they decide to embrace it. That is a lie from Satan. He has come to steal, kill and destroy. Stand up church and fight along side your brother and sister in Christ. They deserve better!
Jesus said we would be persecuted. Why then do some of us try so hard to walk the neutral line that will prevent anyone from thinking we are different. This is a general problem, but the issue at hand is homosexuality. Let's look at what we are talking about here. A man with a man or a woman with a woman - sexually. First of all, noone can say it is natural, even an atheist can see the parts don't fit. My 3 year old plays perfection and knows the square can't go in the circle hole. Not to mention that sex does have a purpose other than sensual satisfaction. Sex is a mammals way to reproduce. See, I don't even have to say anything religious to make my point. It is just unnatural.
Are the feelings natural? I'd say the feeling and desires one may have that leads them to a homosexual lifestyle are probably natural in a sense. I mean if your mind is opened to anything, your mind will usually go there. We think about whatever we have been exposed to, whether it be sex or food or a tv show. Some people are more likely to think about one than the other - true. I think most Christians have struggled with some sinful thoughts, whether it be hate, anger, drugs, lust, pornography or even homosexuality. Sometimes we act on those thoughts, but I hope that we are cut to the heart with guilt because we have sinned. I hope that the Holy Spirit has dealt with our thoughts way before we act on them. Godly sorrow does lead to repentance. The Lord knows we are sinners, but he saved us and He starts the process of sanctification at that point. We all have struggles, but we have to fight. We have to constantly fill our hearts and minds with His word, walk with Him and allow Him to search our hearts and purify us. We have to repent. And sometimes we have to repent again and again. Sometimes we have to have someone who will hold us accountable and help us. That is what AA is all about. As Christians we should be living out lives alongside other Christians who hold us up and hold us accountable, love us and speak truth to us because they love us. When my friend tells me she is struggling with pride I don't judge her, I ask her more about it, I ask her how I can help. I ask her every few days how she is doing, how God is directing her and speaking to her. I learn from her and learn from God and we both can grow and we grow closer too.
So stop already with the acceptance of homosexuality. People will do what they are going to do. We cannot make them do what is right. But if they call themselves Christians then they should strive to walk like one. I am not hateful toward these people who struggle. I am broken hearted for them. I know what it is like to struggle. Probably everyone does. But to struggle with sin and choosing to actively live in sin are two different things. Maybe they have bought into the lie that if they are struggling with feelings of homosexuality then they should embrace it so they can be happy. Well, should an alcoholic embrace his every desire to become drunk or a pedophile embrace his desire to abuse children? Should I scream at my children in a fit of rage because I have a bad temper and just do it because that is how I blow off steam and accept it as good? The examples could go on. With so many sins we call them what they are - sin! We say that is not good. We try not to walk in that behavior. We don't want our brokenness to define us. We want to be free. We get help. Or we hide it I suppose. At any rate, homosexuality has become the sin we are not allowed to call sin. And how will they repent if they don't even see that they are sinning.
Last week World Vision decided that they would hire legally married homosexual couples. The backlash was great from the Christian community and they reversed their decision within 24 hours. The comments I read were ludicrous. This is why. World Vision did not decide that they would hire anyone, regardless of religion, lifestyle, etc. NO, their rules held firm than you must be a Christian. You could not be having sexual relations outside marriage nor could you be in found in adultery. But if you are actively living out a gay lifestyle then - OK! Come on down and serve the Lord and worship with us and spread your free love agenda at our Christian workplace. You see they were embracing homosexuality. That is a problem when Christians condone sin. They reversed their decision probably because they instantly lost supporters. The whole thing is sad and pathetic. But then I saw so many Christians get all mad at Christians who tried to hold them accountable for their decision. Arg! So the homosexuals out there are now even more confused. Do Christians hate us or do they accept us? Can we go to church with our partner and worship and mingle and be part of the community of believers and no one will say what we are doing is sin? That is what they want. But guess what, if I am cheating on my husband and decide to take my lover to church can I expect to walk in and walk out and everyone just be ok with that? If I have a drinking problem can I just take my flask to church and booze it up in the balcony while I listen to the sermon?
If you are reading this and you think that I am saying we should not love and accept people who struggle with thoughts of homosexuality - that is not what I am saying. I am saying that people who confess to be Christians should expect to be held accountable. They should not expect that other Christians will accept it if they decide to actively walk in this sin. Temptation is not sin! But acting on it surely can be! Let us be the church and call sin - SIN!
You know what else? People who deal with homosexual desires are struggling. Some of them are coming to a conclusion that this is the way God made them and they decide to embrace it. That is a lie from Satan. He has come to steal, kill and destroy. Stand up church and fight along side your brother and sister in Christ. They deserve better!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
High Blood Pressure - really?
What a week we have had. I mean can I have an uneventful pregnancy? Apparently the Lord loves to teach me lots of things through pregnancy and birth and I guess that is a pretty good way to speak to a Mommy's heart.
Last week while cooking dinner I felt short of breath and I could feel my blood beating through my veins. It wasn't the first time, I had felt this way more and more over the past couple of days but being distracted with 3 littles I dismissed it. I asked Matt to locate my blood pressure monitor. He found it and my bp was 174/88. Whoa! Very high! My blood pressure is usually on the low side somewhere around 115/60. After dinner I rested. The next day I went to the local hospital and had my urine checked for protein. I was a little swollen, which is very rare for me, so pre-eclampsia was my first thought. The pee stick revealed there was protein in my urine. It freaked me out a little bit because I was not quite 26 weeks along.
My friend suggested I do a 24 hour urine test so that afternoon I started collecting pee. So gross! Anyway, I collected it, measured it and collected a sample to take back to the hospital. I was expecting to get results that same day. It was last Friday, over a week ago now. Saturday morning I went back for blood tests. My friend Tracy and I walked the blood over to the lab. Once again I was hoping for results the same day, but several of the tests would not be ready until Sunday. So I waited, rested and checked my bp several times each day. It fluctuated from low to border-line to high over the weekend. Monday afternoon I finally got a call that all the tests were complete and my protein level was through the roof at 12.63. The norm is .15 Freaked out! We called our go to guy and asked what he thought we should do and he said head to HK and get checked out. Should we take the overnight train to Shenzhen then cross the border to avoid flying.... no, he said just get there. Fly directly there. So, although we had to take 2 flights we were able to get to HK that night for less than a fortune.
Matt took the kids to the hotel and I went to the hospital. I had called my OB, same one I used with Pete, and asked her which hospital I should go to. Because I had not planned to deliver in HK I had not registered at a hospital. Registering requires HK$47,000. She said the international private hospital would not accept me so I should just go directly to Queen Mary, a public hospital, but a good choice. In the ER my bp was up, 148/88. They immediately put me in a wheelchair and after waiting half an hour I was told they were going to admit me to the maternity ward.
In the maternity ward my bp was taken and found to be normal. It was 4am. I had not been allowed to walk so I assume the rest helped my BP go down. They checked for protein and the pee stick said negative! What? awesome! They pointed me to a bed next to the window. Being a public hospital everything is communal. There were about 8 sections with the nurses station in the middle. Each section had 8 beds separated by a curtain. There was a laboring woman in my section. She did such a good job, laboring alone on a yoga ball in front of the window (which was also in front of my bed). I prayed for her, but left her alone. I didn't sleep! Around 6 they came to check on her and I heard them say "Don't push, let's call your husband." They wheeled her away a few minutes later to the labor room. Then there was a shift change, all the lights came on and I tried to sleep. I did a little. No one ever checked my bp again although they came several times to check the fetal heartbeat. I commented several times to several doctors that came by that no one had checked my bp again. They didn't seem concerned. Being a University Hospital, there were usually several doctors standing around anytime a doctor came around. By 8 am they had deemed me ok, the blood test looked good except my platelets which were dangerously low. They decided that was ok too though since I have a history of blood clumping and low readings. The doctor didn't know about the "special tube" to take my blood, so it clumped. They decided not to retest. They let me go around 10:30.
I saw my OB that afternoon. She also did a protein dip stick which showed normal! Very thankful! My bp was borderline but within normal limits. She did a sonogram and I got to see baby Noah's face. Precious! It brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't expecting to see a 3D image and then all of a sudden there he was, looking as cute as could be! After talking with my doctor she decided she wanted a good platelet count and sent me to a hematologist. Apparently, this was the only way I could get blood drawn into a citrate tube aka "the special tube".
So the platelet count was normal. And although my bp went up and down during our time in HK it seemed to stay pretty close to normal most of the time. No protein was found in my urine and so things look better than expected!
Travel day was rough. My bp stayed high all day, and the day after also, but today after catching up on sleep and resting and eating well my bp is back to normal. I still get short of breath when I try to do anything like cook or clean up or teach school, but it seems that I can maybe keep this thing under control for the moment with rest. That is key, but also easier said than done.
The kids need Mom to be involved with their daily activities. So, they get amped up with a big change in the norm. Matt is awesome and has been holding down the fort, but it can get stressful. Just trying to make sure we have milk and bread, that the load of clothes in the washer makes it to the clothesline, keeping up with home school and meals and all that stuff. Its just a lot to do. But by God's grace we'll make it through. He is good and I'm sure He has a plan in all of it. Back to trusting Him alone.
We will undoubtably be traveling to our delivery location soon. Probably in the next 2-3 weeks. We have a lot to do between now and then. Here we go!
Last week while cooking dinner I felt short of breath and I could feel my blood beating through my veins. It wasn't the first time, I had felt this way more and more over the past couple of days but being distracted with 3 littles I dismissed it. I asked Matt to locate my blood pressure monitor. He found it and my bp was 174/88. Whoa! Very high! My blood pressure is usually on the low side somewhere around 115/60. After dinner I rested. The next day I went to the local hospital and had my urine checked for protein. I was a little swollen, which is very rare for me, so pre-eclampsia was my first thought. The pee stick revealed there was protein in my urine. It freaked me out a little bit because I was not quite 26 weeks along.
My friend suggested I do a 24 hour urine test so that afternoon I started collecting pee. So gross! Anyway, I collected it, measured it and collected a sample to take back to the hospital. I was expecting to get results that same day. It was last Friday, over a week ago now. Saturday morning I went back for blood tests. My friend Tracy and I walked the blood over to the lab. Once again I was hoping for results the same day, but several of the tests would not be ready until Sunday. So I waited, rested and checked my bp several times each day. It fluctuated from low to border-line to high over the weekend. Monday afternoon I finally got a call that all the tests were complete and my protein level was through the roof at 12.63. The norm is .15 Freaked out! We called our go to guy and asked what he thought we should do and he said head to HK and get checked out. Should we take the overnight train to Shenzhen then cross the border to avoid flying.... no, he said just get there. Fly directly there. So, although we had to take 2 flights we were able to get to HK that night for less than a fortune.
Matt took the kids to the hotel and I went to the hospital. I had called my OB, same one I used with Pete, and asked her which hospital I should go to. Because I had not planned to deliver in HK I had not registered at a hospital. Registering requires HK$47,000. She said the international private hospital would not accept me so I should just go directly to Queen Mary, a public hospital, but a good choice. In the ER my bp was up, 148/88. They immediately put me in a wheelchair and after waiting half an hour I was told they were going to admit me to the maternity ward.
In the maternity ward my bp was taken and found to be normal. It was 4am. I had not been allowed to walk so I assume the rest helped my BP go down. They checked for protein and the pee stick said negative! What? awesome! They pointed me to a bed next to the window. Being a public hospital everything is communal. There were about 8 sections with the nurses station in the middle. Each section had 8 beds separated by a curtain. There was a laboring woman in my section. She did such a good job, laboring alone on a yoga ball in front of the window (which was also in front of my bed). I prayed for her, but left her alone. I didn't sleep! Around 6 they came to check on her and I heard them say "Don't push, let's call your husband." They wheeled her away a few minutes later to the labor room. Then there was a shift change, all the lights came on and I tried to sleep. I did a little. No one ever checked my bp again although they came several times to check the fetal heartbeat. I commented several times to several doctors that came by that no one had checked my bp again. They didn't seem concerned. Being a University Hospital, there were usually several doctors standing around anytime a doctor came around. By 8 am they had deemed me ok, the blood test looked good except my platelets which were dangerously low. They decided that was ok too though since I have a history of blood clumping and low readings. The doctor didn't know about the "special tube" to take my blood, so it clumped. They decided not to retest. They let me go around 10:30.
I saw my OB that afternoon. She also did a protein dip stick which showed normal! Very thankful! My bp was borderline but within normal limits. She did a sonogram and I got to see baby Noah's face. Precious! It brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't expecting to see a 3D image and then all of a sudden there he was, looking as cute as could be! After talking with my doctor she decided she wanted a good platelet count and sent me to a hematologist. Apparently, this was the only way I could get blood drawn into a citrate tube aka "the special tube".
So the platelet count was normal. And although my bp went up and down during our time in HK it seemed to stay pretty close to normal most of the time. No protein was found in my urine and so things look better than expected!
Travel day was rough. My bp stayed high all day, and the day after also, but today after catching up on sleep and resting and eating well my bp is back to normal. I still get short of breath when I try to do anything like cook or clean up or teach school, but it seems that I can maybe keep this thing under control for the moment with rest. That is key, but also easier said than done.
The kids need Mom to be involved with their daily activities. So, they get amped up with a big change in the norm. Matt is awesome and has been holding down the fort, but it can get stressful. Just trying to make sure we have milk and bread, that the load of clothes in the washer makes it to the clothesline, keeping up with home school and meals and all that stuff. Its just a lot to do. But by God's grace we'll make it through. He is good and I'm sure He has a plan in all of it. Back to trusting Him alone.
We will undoubtably be traveling to our delivery location soon. Probably in the next 2-3 weeks. We have a lot to do between now and then. Here we go!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Gracie is 8
Wow. How did that happen? Grace was the big kid today. It made me smile and smile some more. We had a detective party. Fun times. She wore a school uniform type jumper over a turtle neck - it was her best Nancy Drew get-up since her sweater vest was dirty. Her little bob was held back with a pink headband. She greeted her guests and was very careful to thank each person exuberantly when she opened her gifts. She enjoyed our cheesy games of "what's missing" where they took turns dressing up and then taking off one item to see if the others could guess what it might be, whack the home made pinata until the candy spills out, and the mystery of the missing gift. The gift was taken from the box sent from America. There was a red fingerprint and a tuft of tissue paper on the floor near the door. Another red finger print on the down arrow of the elevator. The box, torn open was on the bench seat outside our door. Obviously the water man had taken the box and then the gift. Oh no! Another red fingerprint inside the elevator going to -1 floor. Down in the garage more paper, more clues... and then the nice thief left the gift in Mom's cart. I'm not sure the Chinese kids ever knew we were trying to solve a mystery, but everyone appeared to like the running around and finding Gracie's lost gift in the end.
So, that was the party. But it was all the subtle growing up things that I noticed today that I relish in tonight. Like when our friend L who is almost 6 said it was a bit scary to think about a thief taking Grace's present (and she was obviously a bit scared) and Gracie responded that all mysteries are a little bit scary. She had that glint of joy in her eye, and I remembered being the younger kid with the older ones feeling a little scared but noticing they weren't afraid at all. Gracie was the older kid today. We had one sweet girl here today who didn't know anyone else. She comes over to play sometimes and we like her a lot, but she isn't from our neighborhood. She seemed a little reserved and when I told Gracie to make sure she was included she immediately took her hand and had her come and be part. So genuine, so sweet. I smiled. She was just on her best behavior in every way today. I was proud of her. She is a precious girl. Love her to pieces.
So, that was the party. But it was all the subtle growing up things that I noticed today that I relish in tonight. Like when our friend L who is almost 6 said it was a bit scary to think about a thief taking Grace's present (and she was obviously a bit scared) and Gracie responded that all mysteries are a little bit scary. She had that glint of joy in her eye, and I remembered being the younger kid with the older ones feeling a little scared but noticing they weren't afraid at all. Gracie was the older kid today. We had one sweet girl here today who didn't know anyone else. She comes over to play sometimes and we like her a lot, but she isn't from our neighborhood. She seemed a little reserved and when I told Gracie to make sure she was included she immediately took her hand and had her come and be part. So genuine, so sweet. I smiled. She was just on her best behavior in every way today. I was proud of her. She is a precious girl. Love her to pieces.
12 week reflections - kiddo #4
What a ride it has been. I've been sickly the majority of this pregnancy, but the emotional roller coaster has been without comparison. I am so happy to think about this new little life growing inside of me at this moment its hard to believe the drama. The nausea has been unreal this time, and I've eaten to ward it off. Hence, the Chinese would say I look 6 months pregnant instead of 3, but what do they know? They are so slim and in comparison I think they probably think I'm always pregnant. It is true I've been asked at least bi-weekly since giving birth to Lola if I am pregnant. My answer is usually "no, just fat!" With a smile because it doesn't bother me in the least. When I weighed 130 pounds at 5'9" I was told I was fat, so I know they are looking at my stature as much as they are looking at my waistline.
Anyway, I am very pregnant now and it is time to tell my helper and some other friends who probably suspect it anyway. If you've read my earlier post you know I have been a bit grumpy. I feel like I'm getting over that a little more every day. My attitude toward my dear Chinese friends and neighbors was not very positive in light of the comments they often make about my 3 kids and I knew I might bust a gasket if I heard them talking about my pregnancy in a negative way. On most days these comments don't bother those of us who live in China with more than 2 children, but when you are grumpy the smallest things can sometimes upset. I've been snickered at, talked about, blamed, pointed at, and had all kinds of advice and ideas about having "so many kids". I mean I don't think 3 kids is "so many", but they usually do and they say so. Now I join the ridiculous. But my children are such a blessing and it makes me sad that they see children as such a nuisance and such a burden. The Lord has blessed us and i cannot imagine life without any of my children and this sweet baby already has a place among us. I feel confident now that my emotions are stabilizing and I can handle the comments once again with grace. And in love. So, tomorrow I tell Ayi. She'll probably quit : )
I went to HK this past weekend and had a check-up. I also had a sonogram. It was a very sweet time. A friend was traveling with me, a friend who is a mother and a grandmother. She had never seen a live sonogram before and I invited her to share in my joy. It was precious. We both cried at seeing sweet baby lift his arms and legs, put his hand on his brow, and then hear from the doctor that she is 90% sure the baby is indeed a boy. Good for Pete if she is right. The naming began within seconds of calling home. Grace and Lola deciding on Benjamin Asher, Lola preferring the opposite order. We like that name, but it is undecided. At 12 weeks I am also a bit leery to be so certain that he is a he. It makes absolutely no difference to me, but if I get my mind wrapped around a boy then there will be a sense of loss if it is a girl. The same thing happened when I was told Pete was a girl at 16 weeks. He was called Rachel for a month before we found out differently. Granted, Peter was a nice surprise and we rejoiced in the news, but there was a sense of loss for a few days over Rachel - Rachel who never existed. In my mind I had pictured her though and so it was strange when I found out she wasn't there.
I am so thankful for this new life. I saw a short video the other day of me holding Pete the day he was born. I was exhausted but the smile never left my face. I was in pure bliss. The joy that seeped from every pour was so evident. That moment when you hold the baby that has been riding around in your belly for 9 months. This baby, #4, was such a surprise and in turn I think will be the biggest blessing of all. God is so good. He is already using this experience to grow me in new ways. I might get straightened out even yet. I am so thankful for His mercy. I deserve death, but He gives me life. Daily I see his mercy is indeed new every morning. I am so thankful for His grace. I don't deserve all the blessings he pours out on me, yet here I sit with the greatest husband and the coolest kids ever. I have eternal life. I have been given the gift of communing with Jesus. He allows me to serve Him even though I do it begrudgingly so many times. Thank you Lord. You are indeed good!
Anyway, I am very pregnant now and it is time to tell my helper and some other friends who probably suspect it anyway. If you've read my earlier post you know I have been a bit grumpy. I feel like I'm getting over that a little more every day. My attitude toward my dear Chinese friends and neighbors was not very positive in light of the comments they often make about my 3 kids and I knew I might bust a gasket if I heard them talking about my pregnancy in a negative way. On most days these comments don't bother those of us who live in China with more than 2 children, but when you are grumpy the smallest things can sometimes upset. I've been snickered at, talked about, blamed, pointed at, and had all kinds of advice and ideas about having "so many kids". I mean I don't think 3 kids is "so many", but they usually do and they say so. Now I join the ridiculous. But my children are such a blessing and it makes me sad that they see children as such a nuisance and such a burden. The Lord has blessed us and i cannot imagine life without any of my children and this sweet baby already has a place among us. I feel confident now that my emotions are stabilizing and I can handle the comments once again with grace. And in love. So, tomorrow I tell Ayi. She'll probably quit : )
I went to HK this past weekend and had a check-up. I also had a sonogram. It was a very sweet time. A friend was traveling with me, a friend who is a mother and a grandmother. She had never seen a live sonogram before and I invited her to share in my joy. It was precious. We both cried at seeing sweet baby lift his arms and legs, put his hand on his brow, and then hear from the doctor that she is 90% sure the baby is indeed a boy. Good for Pete if she is right. The naming began within seconds of calling home. Grace and Lola deciding on Benjamin Asher, Lola preferring the opposite order. We like that name, but it is undecided. At 12 weeks I am also a bit leery to be so certain that he is a he. It makes absolutely no difference to me, but if I get my mind wrapped around a boy then there will be a sense of loss if it is a girl. The same thing happened when I was told Pete was a girl at 16 weeks. He was called Rachel for a month before we found out differently. Granted, Peter was a nice surprise and we rejoiced in the news, but there was a sense of loss for a few days over Rachel - Rachel who never existed. In my mind I had pictured her though and so it was strange when I found out she wasn't there.
I am so thankful for this new life. I saw a short video the other day of me holding Pete the day he was born. I was exhausted but the smile never left my face. I was in pure bliss. The joy that seeped from every pour was so evident. That moment when you hold the baby that has been riding around in your belly for 9 months. This baby, #4, was such a surprise and in turn I think will be the biggest blessing of all. God is so good. He is already using this experience to grow me in new ways. I might get straightened out even yet. I am so thankful for His mercy. I deserve death, but He gives me life. Daily I see his mercy is indeed new every morning. I am so thankful for His grace. I don't deserve all the blessings he pours out on me, yet here I sit with the greatest husband and the coolest kids ever. I have eternal life. I have been given the gift of communing with Jesus. He allows me to serve Him even though I do it begrudgingly so many times. Thank you Lord. You are indeed good!
Sunday, December 01, 2013
Thanksgiving 2013
We are all hacking, except Matt and that is good because he's been holding down the fort.
Baby Freedom was still alive and well via a sonogram I had at 1st Affiliated last week. Very thankful for that and a renewed lease on the ability to be thankful for life.
We flew the coop for Thanksgiving. Our friends who lived close-by moved earlier this year after being in the States for time. We hadn't seen them in a year, so we packed it up and headed to their place. It was nice. They live in a bit more modern city than we do and their apartment was well constructed. It was comfortable. Our 5 stayed with their 8 and the kids played, stayed up late watching a movie and cooked all the next day to produce a spread. It was nice having another Mom to talk to and cook alongside.
Unfortunately I didn't enjoy our dinner. My taster is off and everything tasted either too sweet or too salty - neither of which was true. I loved seeing everyone else gorge themselves.
We paid for the all fun on our train ride home. I was exhausted and the kids were too. There were several mini meltdowns in the train station once we arrived back in our city. But all in all it was worth it. Thanksgiving should be celebrated with others and this year we were thankful to be with friends.
I miss having other moms who are in my walk of life (i.e. home schooling, cooking 2-3 meals a day, etc). Isolation is my worst enemy. I am a people person for sure. Thankful for many things today. Thankful most of all for God's grace and mercy, His love and the gift of family.
Baby Freedom was still alive and well via a sonogram I had at 1st Affiliated last week. Very thankful for that and a renewed lease on the ability to be thankful for life.
We flew the coop for Thanksgiving. Our friends who lived close-by moved earlier this year after being in the States for time. We hadn't seen them in a year, so we packed it up and headed to their place. It was nice. They live in a bit more modern city than we do and their apartment was well constructed. It was comfortable. Our 5 stayed with their 8 and the kids played, stayed up late watching a movie and cooked all the next day to produce a spread. It was nice having another Mom to talk to and cook alongside.
Unfortunately I didn't enjoy our dinner. My taster is off and everything tasted either too sweet or too salty - neither of which was true. I loved seeing everyone else gorge themselves.
We paid for the all fun on our train ride home. I was exhausted and the kids were too. There were several mini meltdowns in the train station once we arrived back in our city. But all in all it was worth it. Thanksgiving should be celebrated with others and this year we were thankful to be with friends.
I miss having other moms who are in my walk of life (i.e. home schooling, cooking 2-3 meals a day, etc). Isolation is my worst enemy. I am a people person for sure. Thankful for many things today. Thankful most of all for God's grace and mercy, His love and the gift of family.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Loving this life
Well I have been through it with this pregnancy. A range of emotions that are somewhat uncharacteristic for me to say the least. Over the past week I have been so sick. Not just nausea and tachycardia and bloating, but a bad cold that has left me in my bed several days with Matt cooking dinner and home schooling a large portion of the time. I have not enjoyed the ill feelings my body is going through, but on the other hand I have relished in this new life growing inside me. I felt strongly this week that it is a girl. Of course I could be wrong, but that is my feeling. Lola has been really cute. Several times she has come into my bedroom to just hang out with me. We have had many discussions about baby. She loves thinking about her little brother or sister. She wants a sister. Her and Gracie have this 3 tier bunk bed imaged for the 3 of them if she is indeed a girl. This has been a very good week emotionally when considering our newest addition. I have embraced this baby and am in love for sure. I will be 9 weeks tomorrow.
Today I have coughed my head off. I was bedridden all of yesterday, but after a lot of water and a lot of rest I felt better this morning. I did too much I suppose. I cooked breakfast, we called Mims for her birthday. I wrangled with the kids, gave Pete a bath and got G & L washing the glass doors in the living room. I could feel myself wearing down. I finally made my way back to the bed, but I didn't get much rest. I felt pretty yuck for the rest of the day. Coughing violently left me breathing hard and hurting several times.
I fell asleep while Matt cooked dinner and slept through dinner and him putting the kids down. I woke up very uncomfortable in jeans and decided to put on some pajamas. When I went to the bathroom though I got a huge surprise. Blood. Yes, I have freaked out. I went to find Matt immediately and we prayed and cried for what seemed like a long time. Woke Pete up so Matt went to get him back to sleep. The bleeding seems to have stopped, but I am left wondering if I have lost this little life or if she still grows safely in my womb. Only the Lord knows. I'll go to the hospital in the morning to check. I cannot stand the thought of loosing her.
I have prayed hard this night. Its hard not to feel a bit guilty and undeserving. Guilty because I complained a lot about being pregnant, giving up a kind of freedom that I perceived as the big kids were actually becoming big kids. But this baby is freedom. In a land where women send their children on at the drop of a hat, many times because they don't have the freedom to carry and deliver children as the Lord blesses their womb, I see my baby as freedom. Freedom to allow God to have control over the affairs of my life and to rejoice in that because He is good. And He gives good gifts. Children are such a gift. Precious. Life is so fragile, yet we are resilient. It reminds us that our lives truly are in the hands of God.
I have begged the Lord this night to allow me this child. I want this baby. I love this baby. To lose this 9 week old would be losing one of my children. My child. I don't know if it my son or daughter. How sad is that? It breaks my heart. I cannot even name my baby with confidence. But I know this baby is in the Lord's hands and I know that He is good. He gives and He takes away. I don't deserve any of the good things He has given me, but as His child I see the goodness of my father. He loves me and I know I can trust him. So I wait. I wait to see what the Lord has decided for this child. Will she join us here or will we have to wait to meet her until we join her in eternity? Its a hard place to be.
I am thankful that I told my mom last week and she was happy about the baby. I had worried she might think I was too old or make some negative comment, but she didn't. She was thrilled and reminded me that I have always said that I want as many children as the Lord will give me. Yes indeed. I said that and I meant it. My mom will probably never know how much she encouraged me with her enthusiasm over this life. She has already told a lot of people because she just can't contain herself. We got an email today telling us of her joy and sending a congratulations. Yes, it is indeed an occasion to celebrate. I pray we can celebrate tomorrow that this little person will come and bless our lives.
Today I have coughed my head off. I was bedridden all of yesterday, but after a lot of water and a lot of rest I felt better this morning. I did too much I suppose. I cooked breakfast, we called Mims for her birthday. I wrangled with the kids, gave Pete a bath and got G & L washing the glass doors in the living room. I could feel myself wearing down. I finally made my way back to the bed, but I didn't get much rest. I felt pretty yuck for the rest of the day. Coughing violently left me breathing hard and hurting several times.
I fell asleep while Matt cooked dinner and slept through dinner and him putting the kids down. I woke up very uncomfortable in jeans and decided to put on some pajamas. When I went to the bathroom though I got a huge surprise. Blood. Yes, I have freaked out. I went to find Matt immediately and we prayed and cried for what seemed like a long time. Woke Pete up so Matt went to get him back to sleep. The bleeding seems to have stopped, but I am left wondering if I have lost this little life or if she still grows safely in my womb. Only the Lord knows. I'll go to the hospital in the morning to check. I cannot stand the thought of loosing her.
I have prayed hard this night. Its hard not to feel a bit guilty and undeserving. Guilty because I complained a lot about being pregnant, giving up a kind of freedom that I perceived as the big kids were actually becoming big kids. But this baby is freedom. In a land where women send their children on at the drop of a hat, many times because they don't have the freedom to carry and deliver children as the Lord blesses their womb, I see my baby as freedom. Freedom to allow God to have control over the affairs of my life and to rejoice in that because He is good. And He gives good gifts. Children are such a gift. Precious. Life is so fragile, yet we are resilient. It reminds us that our lives truly are in the hands of God.
I have begged the Lord this night to allow me this child. I want this baby. I love this baby. To lose this 9 week old would be losing one of my children. My child. I don't know if it my son or daughter. How sad is that? It breaks my heart. I cannot even name my baby with confidence. But I know this baby is in the Lord's hands and I know that He is good. He gives and He takes away. I don't deserve any of the good things He has given me, but as His child I see the goodness of my father. He loves me and I know I can trust him. So I wait. I wait to see what the Lord has decided for this child. Will she join us here or will we have to wait to meet her until we join her in eternity? Its a hard place to be.
I am thankful that I told my mom last week and she was happy about the baby. I had worried she might think I was too old or make some negative comment, but she didn't. She was thrilled and reminded me that I have always said that I want as many children as the Lord will give me. Yes indeed. I said that and I meant it. My mom will probably never know how much she encouraged me with her enthusiasm over this life. She has already told a lot of people because she just can't contain herself. We got an email today telling us of her joy and sending a congratulations. Yes, it is indeed an occasion to celebrate. I pray we can celebrate tomorrow that this little person will come and bless our lives.
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Lola is 5... since 9/9
Well I have really dropped the ball when it comes to keeping up this blog. Its mostly a way to catalog major events in our lives, but I think its nice for those who want to know what's going on with us to have a way to see our faces and hear our stories from time to time.
Lola turned 5 on September 9. Well that was 2 months ago. Mims was here for her birthday and we had a swell time. I made a pinata and we had our close friends over for games and treats. The Pinata was a hit! Literally.
Sweet Lola has grown so much. I can't believe she started Kindergarten this year and is already reading so well. I think she has her Momma's learning styles though because Math comes easy and she seems to be a visual learner. I love that I get to teach her to read and write and do all the other little things like memorize scripture and recite the states and capitals.
Lola Mei has brought so much joy into our home. She is witty and silly and loves to tell stories. She is extremely loud, especially when she's trying to get her point across and she's got just enough fight in her to keep you watching. But she is so sweet and mostly compliant. She likes to please and succeed. She adores her sister and wants to do everything she sees Grace do. She loves her little brother too and will play with him sometimes for hours. Then there are those times she wants him out of her room.
Lola is so so precious to us all. I am so grateful that the Lord chose me to be her Mommy. I am blessed.
Lola turned 5 on September 9. Well that was 2 months ago. Mims was here for her birthday and we had a swell time. I made a pinata and we had our close friends over for games and treats. The Pinata was a hit! Literally.
Sweet Lola has grown so much. I can't believe she started Kindergarten this year and is already reading so well. I think she has her Momma's learning styles though because Math comes easy and she seems to be a visual learner. I love that I get to teach her to read and write and do all the other little things like memorize scripture and recite the states and capitals.
Lola Mei has brought so much joy into our home. She is witty and silly and loves to tell stories. She is extremely loud, especially when she's trying to get her point across and she's got just enough fight in her to keep you watching. But she is so sweet and mostly compliant. She likes to please and succeed. She adores her sister and wants to do everything she sees Grace do. She loves her little brother too and will play with him sometimes for hours. Then there are those times she wants him out of her room.
Lola is so so precious to us all. I am so grateful that the Lord chose me to be her Mommy. I am blessed.
since no one reads this anyway....
So, I am dying to tell you all I'm pregnant, but also not at all ready to tell anyone. For now it is Matt and my little secret. The kids don't know, the grandparents haven't heard and I will wait as long as I possibly can before I tell one single Chinese person because I don't want to hear it.
I'm excited. I've already had all my "oh, no!" emotions. All my, I thought I was finished with being pregnant emotions (not necessarily with having kids mind you, just the pregnant part). The fleeting thought that I would finally be able to go to America without a nursing baby stuck to my chest... and we were even going to have all our kids over 3 years of age which meant we were really planning some fun stuff. But all that is fodder. We are having another baby! Another blessing. Another precious gift from our Father. And how could we be anything but excited and joyful and grateful!
I have 3 children which evokes many daily comments from my Chinese neighbors and random passersby. 3 kids! Wow, are they all yours? So many kids! Does the government pay you to have kids? I mean.... in a society where 1 kid is the norm people have forgotten that 2 generations ago the norm in China was 3, 4, 5.... but propaganda is mighty. So, yes, I am waiting to tell my Chinese friends, well because they will tell everyone else. I am definitely waiting to tell my neighbors because they will also tell everyone else. They will even have these conversations about the foreigner (me) while I am standing there. I want to just say, "I'm right here!" But its all good. They'll all know in a few months anyway. This well stretched body knows exactly how to take the form of preggo.
We are waiting to tell my mom and Matt's mom because its just fun to have a little secret. It's fun to talk about baby names and how old he/she will be when we get back to the States. How to acquire maternity clothes and baby clothes on our tight budget when we have just recently sent all ours far, far away.
I'm excited. I've already had all my "oh, no!" emotions. All my, I thought I was finished with being pregnant emotions (not necessarily with having kids mind you, just the pregnant part). The fleeting thought that I would finally be able to go to America without a nursing baby stuck to my chest... and we were even going to have all our kids over 3 years of age which meant we were really planning some fun stuff. But all that is fodder. We are having another baby! Another blessing. Another precious gift from our Father. And how could we be anything but excited and joyful and grateful!
I have 3 children which evokes many daily comments from my Chinese neighbors and random passersby. 3 kids! Wow, are they all yours? So many kids! Does the government pay you to have kids? I mean.... in a society where 1 kid is the norm people have forgotten that 2 generations ago the norm in China was 3, 4, 5.... but propaganda is mighty. So, yes, I am waiting to tell my Chinese friends, well because they will tell everyone else. I am definitely waiting to tell my neighbors because they will also tell everyone else. They will even have these conversations about the foreigner (me) while I am standing there. I want to just say, "I'm right here!" But its all good. They'll all know in a few months anyway. This well stretched body knows exactly how to take the form of preggo.
We are waiting to tell my mom and Matt's mom because its just fun to have a little secret. It's fun to talk about baby names and how old he/she will be when we get back to the States. How to acquire maternity clothes and baby clothes on our tight budget when we have just recently sent all ours far, far away.
Feeling defeated
I should be celebrating. I know that and I want to but tonight I just feel defeated. You see today I was sick all day. I'm 7 weeks pregnant, I'm 39, I'm tired and I have 3 kids that need home schooling, feeding, and a lot of attention. Nausea was waiting behind every corner today. I was thankful Matt was home so he could take the reigns when I had to lay down or just go find some crackers. I'm so unable to imagine the end of the tunnel. It seems like a black hole. I know I sound terrible, but I am just worn out and this is the result.
Grace had a good day, but refused to go to bed tonight. That's her new thing. It turned ugly when she was still moping at 10pm, all her privileges cast into the oblivion long before and no other recourse. I finally lost it, she smarted off and her Daddy finally took her to the office for a little meeting. I just went to bed. She woke up the baby who couldn't be soothed (oh, he's 2 and 8 months) so I just left him crying and shut the door and went back to bed. And so all I could think was "here we go again".
I love my children more than anything. I seriously love to be with them, but anyone with little kids knows that when the youngest gets to that age where you can take them all camping or on a picnic and you can have conversations and read books together, the family can sing and play and tell stories and you don't have to worry about every single thing your kid picks up in fear that they might eat it, and you can say "stop" when they are too close to the road and they stop.... everyone knows when this time comes you feel a sense of freedom. You breath a little easier.
We have lived in China as a family for 7 and a half years. I have been pregnant or nursing the entire time. I have yet to return to the States without a nursing infant. Pregnancy is hard on me. I have hip issues that manifest into back pain. Pregnancy intensifies this problem ten fold. I get gestational diabetes and cannot eat freely, and I live in a country that does not cater to diabetics so my diet is seriously limited. I need 8 hours of sleep in order to function with all cylinders running. I don't think I've slept the night through in 8 years. I was seeing the end of the tunnel. It was filled with outings and mud pies and inner tubes on a lazy river. But somehow the Lord thought it timely to put me on a detour and I no longer see any resemblance of rest in the near future.
I know that the person I was is gone. I am no longer an outgoing, tree hugging, rock climbing, Appalachian hiking child of the King. I am now an overweight, Mom of almost 4, nursing, spill wiping, home schooling, cook that still desires to serve her King. I'm ok with that for the most part because having kids is awesome. I love these little people in my life, but sometimes I want to enjoy them outside of this dingy city, in the woods, on a trail, at a campsite, floating on a river, exploring a cave, making mud pies, serving others and being the me that is tucked under all this pollution ridden skin.
And so I feel defeated, but hey plus one for the kingdom! I guess its victory if I can get my spectacles to focus on the right perspective. If anyone is reading this you are privy to information that has not yet been made public. Please do not share our news with anyone, if they read my blog then they'll know : )
By the way, in no way am I not excited about this life growing inside of me. I love the idea of another little Owens' kid running around at my feet, it's just the stress of pregnancy, sleepless nights, and chasing for the next 2 + years that has me reeling.
Grace had a good day, but refused to go to bed tonight. That's her new thing. It turned ugly when she was still moping at 10pm, all her privileges cast into the oblivion long before and no other recourse. I finally lost it, she smarted off and her Daddy finally took her to the office for a little meeting. I just went to bed. She woke up the baby who couldn't be soothed (oh, he's 2 and 8 months) so I just left him crying and shut the door and went back to bed. And so all I could think was "here we go again".
I love my children more than anything. I seriously love to be with them, but anyone with little kids knows that when the youngest gets to that age where you can take them all camping or on a picnic and you can have conversations and read books together, the family can sing and play and tell stories and you don't have to worry about every single thing your kid picks up in fear that they might eat it, and you can say "stop" when they are too close to the road and they stop.... everyone knows when this time comes you feel a sense of freedom. You breath a little easier.
We have lived in China as a family for 7 and a half years. I have been pregnant or nursing the entire time. I have yet to return to the States without a nursing infant. Pregnancy is hard on me. I have hip issues that manifest into back pain. Pregnancy intensifies this problem ten fold. I get gestational diabetes and cannot eat freely, and I live in a country that does not cater to diabetics so my diet is seriously limited. I need 8 hours of sleep in order to function with all cylinders running. I don't think I've slept the night through in 8 years. I was seeing the end of the tunnel. It was filled with outings and mud pies and inner tubes on a lazy river. But somehow the Lord thought it timely to put me on a detour and I no longer see any resemblance of rest in the near future.
I know that the person I was is gone. I am no longer an outgoing, tree hugging, rock climbing, Appalachian hiking child of the King. I am now an overweight, Mom of almost 4, nursing, spill wiping, home schooling, cook that still desires to serve her King. I'm ok with that for the most part because having kids is awesome. I love these little people in my life, but sometimes I want to enjoy them outside of this dingy city, in the woods, on a trail, at a campsite, floating on a river, exploring a cave, making mud pies, serving others and being the me that is tucked under all this pollution ridden skin.
And so I feel defeated, but hey plus one for the kingdom! I guess its victory if I can get my spectacles to focus on the right perspective. If anyone is reading this you are privy to information that has not yet been made public. Please do not share our news with anyone, if they read my blog then they'll know : )
By the way, in no way am I not excited about this life growing inside of me. I love the idea of another little Owens' kid running around at my feet, it's just the stress of pregnancy, sleepless nights, and chasing for the next 2 + years that has me reeling.
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Family photo shoot at the beach - February 2013
We went in from the pool to have our bath and get dressed for pictures. Lola, extremely tired from a day full of swimming and playing passed out between getting dressed and me putting on a dab of make-up. That made for some serious fun. I was sad I didn't get more photos of Lola on the beach.
Gracie is 7... the perfect #
Gracie is so precious to me. Thinking back to when she was born is sometimes hard, but I can still remember with every bit of my being how intensely I loved this child from the moment I knew I was pregnant. She was "the gift" that made it evident God was still handing out grace. And so she got the name Grace. Grace Elizabeth... and she calls herself God's Grace. She loves that her name is in the Bible. Should have thought of how that would fare when we named Lola Mei... but her name is also special.
Gracie has been a firecracker since she was a wee one. Always ready to fight to get her way, she never lets us let our guard down. She is smart too and can figure out whats what. She has done well in school and is successful in dictating games around the house. She is still a chick, but likes to play hen most of the time. She is strong. She is creative. She is beautiful. She is smart. God has great things planned for this little leader of mine. She loves the Lord too, which I am most thankful for.
We celebrated her birthday back in December with "english" friends as she likes to call anyone who is from America and/or speaks English flawlessly. A couple of friends came to our city and we made puffle cupcakes and played pin the beak on the penguin. We had some other games planned, but once the styling chair came out all bets were off. Gracie and Carley headed to her bedroom to open the salon. Everyone played hard all day. It was one of the best, maybe the best, birthday party Gracie has ever had. We enjoyed being surrounded by friends.
Gracie has been a firecracker since she was a wee one. Always ready to fight to get her way, she never lets us let our guard down. She is smart too and can figure out whats what. She has done well in school and is successful in dictating games around the house. She is still a chick, but likes to play hen most of the time. She is strong. She is creative. She is beautiful. She is smart. God has great things planned for this little leader of mine. She loves the Lord too, which I am most thankful for.
We celebrated her birthday back in December with "english" friends as she likes to call anyone who is from America and/or speaks English flawlessly. A couple of friends came to our city and we made puffle cupcakes and played pin the beak on the penguin. We had some other games planned, but once the styling chair came out all bets were off. Gracie and Carley headed to her bedroom to open the salon. Everyone played hard all day. It was one of the best, maybe the best, birthday party Gracie has ever had. We enjoyed being surrounded by friends.
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| Puffle cupcakes |
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| Getting a little brush before pics |
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| The salon chair was a hit! Thanks Mims! |
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| playing pin the beak on the penguin |
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| Our friends |
Peter is 2!
What a great day we had celebrating Peter's second birthday. We were conveniently at the beach so of course we had a swimming party. Peter enjoyed his cake and ice-cream, made himself a crown and tore open his presents like a champ.
Pete had grown so much this year. He is all boy and I love it. Tough as nails but also as sweet as candy. He loves his Momma and his Momma loves him back. He still sleeps with us - that is a bit old, but he doesn't think so. He refused to be weened up until after this party - 3rd time was a charm.
I love the way he loves on his sisters, kisses his Ayi, and plays with his cars. iPod is one of his favorite things even though he doesn't get too many visits with it. He likes to call Meme and Mims on Skype and will sit and look at books for long periods of time. I cannot believe how big he has gotten. He runs like he's in a race and I love the pitter patter of his little feet coming down the hall. He also potty trained himself at 21 months, but that didn't last. it got too cold for accidents, so he reverted back to the diaper. He did well swimming with his floaties and wasn't at all intimidated with the waves in the ocean. And at 2 years old he tells us all kinds of stories, although we can only understand a fraction of them. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our boy. He is such a joy to us all.
Pete had grown so much this year. He is all boy and I love it. Tough as nails but also as sweet as candy. He loves his Momma and his Momma loves him back. He still sleeps with us - that is a bit old, but he doesn't think so. He refused to be weened up until after this party - 3rd time was a charm.
I love the way he loves on his sisters, kisses his Ayi, and plays with his cars. iPod is one of his favorite things even though he doesn't get too many visits with it. He likes to call Meme and Mims on Skype and will sit and look at books for long periods of time. I cannot believe how big he has gotten. He runs like he's in a race and I love the pitter patter of his little feet coming down the hall. He also potty trained himself at 21 months, but that didn't last. it got too cold for accidents, so he reverted back to the diaper. He did well swimming with his floaties and wasn't at all intimidated with the waves in the ocean. And at 2 years old he tells us all kinds of stories, although we can only understand a fraction of them. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our boy. He is such a joy to us all.
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| Prince Pete turns 2! Happy Birthday little man! |
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| Had some cake, now onto the ice-cream. |
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| Very excited about his new toys. |
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| "Really not into a family picture right now guys!" Shafer thought it would be fun to get in it though : ) |
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| "Yes! A dinosaur!" |
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| "Lola, look at my cool tuk tuk!" |
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| Princess Gracie, radiant as always. |
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Home School Conference 2013
Gracie is 7 and is in the middle of 2nd grade... we started late this year but that's probably all well in good since she has a late birthday. We went to a home school conference in Thailand where she tested, I got to meet with other home schooling moms and learn about all the new stuff that is out. Gracie's favorite part was of course meeting new friends and getting to see her old ones. Here is a collection of photos from our time at the conference.
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| Dorothy with Toto |
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| Gracie and her friend Shafer, who was Fritz |
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| Gracie and Andrew, her newest friend |
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| We got to eat lunch and dinner with our friends every day. Grace and Elizabeth have been friends for a couple years but grew much closer this week. The rest of my pictures are on my phone, so I will update this some time or another. |
Monday, April 01, 2013
Lola turns 4 - 9/9
Lola Mei is so precious to our family. She bounces around the house with her golden locks flowing behind her. She is a gabber. She has made it a habit to wake us every morning with a "It's morning time!" She is our alarm clock and usually gets her Mommy and Daddy time at 6 am. Being the middle child I guess that is fitting. She wants to dance, but has 2 left feet. At the same time she is so physically inclined that I have no doubt that she will be our athlete. She's tough too. No drama, no tears. She gets up and dusts herself off and carries on with whatever she was doing before a fall.
As Lola's birthday neared I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She had only cakes on her mind. Strawberry cupcakes and chocolate cake. Any toys? Not really, just cakes. And balloons. And so the party planning began and since we were in the States we were able to get a few things to bring back for the party.
Since her birthday fell on a Sunday, we made all the cakes Saturday evening. Gracie and I wrapped her presents and got everything set. Sunday we blew up the balloons and hung them with streamers. Everything was ready and after church we had a grand party. She did indeed get a few gifts, but I think she just liked the idea of having a party and celebrating herself.
Love you Lola Mei Owens! You are truly a gift from God!
As Lola's birthday neared I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She had only cakes on her mind. Strawberry cupcakes and chocolate cake. Any toys? Not really, just cakes. And balloons. And so the party planning began and since we were in the States we were able to get a few things to bring back for the party.
Since her birthday fell on a Sunday, we made all the cakes Saturday evening. Gracie and I wrapped her presents and got everything set. Sunday we blew up the balloons and hung them with streamers. Everything was ready and after church we had a grand party. She did indeed get a few gifts, but I think she just liked the idea of having a party and celebrating herself.
Love you Lola Mei Owens! You are truly a gift from God!
A lesson in trusting God - Thailand February 2013
So if you have known me for long you know I used to be quite the tree hugger. I mean I literally hugged trees - climbing them of course. While in Thailand I enjoyed a month of very few backaches and a few great adventures. Grace and I went to Adventure Land in Chiang Mai which is a ropes course, climbing wall, zip line and obstacle course playground. It was fun. Fat Mamma with her too long fingernails didn't quite make it to the top of the rock wall, but I did pretty well and at least the Thai were impressed with my "skill" - I use that term very loosely. It was a load of fun and Gracie enjoyed herself immensely. She even got to ride a crazy pony.
I have to admit that living in the city takes it out of me. I really don't like it very much and being in a place where I could climb made me feel very alive. I don't know the last time I felt so good.
A week later at the beach Lola tempted me with her desire to kayak. There we were on a beach with a rack of kayaks just waiting to be rented, $3 for an hour. Across the bay there was an island. Officially it is called monkey island because it is infested with monkeys, but we called it Daddy island because it is the shape of a man lying down. A man with a belly : ) A friend had told us that they paddled out to monkey island the morning before so I thought it would be fun. The problem lies in the fact that I do not know the ocean. I can paddle pretty well, but the tide has a way of taking you where you don't want to go. We went out easily. That should have been my first clue. Lola was nervous once we were far off the beach. She was scared we might go into the open sea. I was able to maneuver the kayak and was heading directly toward monkey island. We got close enough to see the monkeys then we turned around. That is when the trouble started and I realized the tide was going out and we were trying to go in. After repositioning for the fifth time our kayak tipped over. It was very scary for Lola, but I showed her how to lean back on her life jacket and had her hold the paddle and I bailed and flipped the kayak back over. I got her back on easily, but I couldn't get myself back on with out throwing her off again so I opted to swim.
I swam and swam and swam- for about an hour total, and although I was making progress, I was a loooong way from our beach. Lola was crying and I told her not to worry that GOd could see us. He knew where we were and what had happened and he would take care of us. I suggested we pray that someone would come along that could help us. She prayed earnestly. The bay was deserted. After 5 minutes a fishing boat trolled by about 100 feet in front of us. We yelled and waved but they didn't see us. THey were laying their nets. All I could think about was sharks. But I told myself the same thing I had already told Lola. We prayed and sang worship songs and I swam. After about 45 minutes or so another boat came into view and we started yelling. This time the boat turned and came to help. A couple had rented the boat to take them to another island and they were headed back. The Thai fishermen pulled us and our kayak up onto their deck and took us back to the beach. It was good to be safe and out of the water.
Once we got back to the beach we asked if they could help us return out kayak. We were on the other end of the beach from where we had rented it. I had to talk to the boss lady. She knew the owner of the kayak and said she would return in for us later in her truck. I asked her how much I owed her. Nothing. See, I told Lola, when God saves us it is free.
It was quite an adventure and I would say I have most certainly given my child a fear of the ocean. She was not at all interested in getting into another boat or going too far out in the ocean for the rest of our vacation. I am just thankful for God's faithfulness. He was truly with us. I could feel his Spirit giving me peace throughout the whole experience. Lola too got a lesson in trusting God.
I have to admit that living in the city takes it out of me. I really don't like it very much and being in a place where I could climb made me feel very alive. I don't know the last time I felt so good.
A week later at the beach Lola tempted me with her desire to kayak. There we were on a beach with a rack of kayaks just waiting to be rented, $3 for an hour. Across the bay there was an island. Officially it is called monkey island because it is infested with monkeys, but we called it Daddy island because it is the shape of a man lying down. A man with a belly : ) A friend had told us that they paddled out to monkey island the morning before so I thought it would be fun. The problem lies in the fact that I do not know the ocean. I can paddle pretty well, but the tide has a way of taking you where you don't want to go. We went out easily. That should have been my first clue. Lola was nervous once we were far off the beach. She was scared we might go into the open sea. I was able to maneuver the kayak and was heading directly toward monkey island. We got close enough to see the monkeys then we turned around. That is when the trouble started and I realized the tide was going out and we were trying to go in. After repositioning for the fifth time our kayak tipped over. It was very scary for Lola, but I showed her how to lean back on her life jacket and had her hold the paddle and I bailed and flipped the kayak back over. I got her back on easily, but I couldn't get myself back on with out throwing her off again so I opted to swim.
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| Daddy Island To get an idea of how far out it is look for the boat in the picture. |
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| A boat like the one that rescued us. |
It was quite an adventure and I would say I have most certainly given my child a fear of the ocean. She was not at all interested in getting into another boat or going too far out in the ocean for the rest of our vacation. I am just thankful for God's faithfulness. He was truly with us. I could feel his Spirit giving me peace throughout the whole experience. Lola too got a lesson in trusting God.
Easter 2013
Easter is the best holiday there is, no doubt! This year on Easter Sunday I improvised a lesson for the girls that was simple but so life altering for sweet Lola Mei, who is 4 and a half. As we talked about what Jesus did for us and his resurrection the light bulb came on for her. She has asked and commented on the fact that Jesus is alive and can never die again over and over for the past 48 hours. I love her interest in the Lord. She was very upset not to be able to take the Lord's supper Sunday. She asked when she could and we explained that she could once she was baptized. She has professed her faith in Jesus for some time now, but her being so young has given us reservation in allowing her to be baptized. We'll see that this new information does with her. We may not be able to keep her dry for long. She will just have Gracie baptize her in the tub if we don't do it.
Easter was full of blessings this year. Over 300 people came to our Easter egg hunt and although it started out a little out of control it ended well. You know the old saying " a few bad apples....". Well a few kids really got things stirred up at our egg hunt by sneaking into the hiding area and gathering a few eggs. Once the masses saw them others came in too thinking it was time. After a few minutes it was impossible to keep them at bay. They were too excited. We were concerned mainly because none of them had heard instructions for our activities afterward, but they all stuck around to see what else was in store. And once we finally got it going it went well. Children and their parents gathered around to hear the greatest story ever told. They made bracelets to remember the gift we were given and got an illustration with straws and paint to make clear the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. 49 professed faith. 40 came to our house the next day. I love what one of our friends who was leading a group shared with us later. She had a large group of about 20 people. The parents were telling their kids to listen, pay attention and try to understand. AMAZING!
We are so humbled when Dad moves in our presence. We didn't do much more than gather the sheep and ask some fellow workers to give them some hay... and our Father changed lives. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but Spirit gives birth to spirit. How grateful we are that the Spirit has given us new life! Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross. And praise God for raising Him from the dead.
Yes, Lola, it is cool that Jesus will never die again.
He lives!
Easter was full of blessings this year. Over 300 people came to our Easter egg hunt and although it started out a little out of control it ended well. You know the old saying " a few bad apples....". Well a few kids really got things stirred up at our egg hunt by sneaking into the hiding area and gathering a few eggs. Once the masses saw them others came in too thinking it was time. After a few minutes it was impossible to keep them at bay. They were too excited. We were concerned mainly because none of them had heard instructions for our activities afterward, but they all stuck around to see what else was in store. And once we finally got it going it went well. Children and their parents gathered around to hear the greatest story ever told. They made bracelets to remember the gift we were given and got an illustration with straws and paint to make clear the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. 49 professed faith. 40 came to our house the next day. I love what one of our friends who was leading a group shared with us later. She had a large group of about 20 people. The parents were telling their kids to listen, pay attention and try to understand. AMAZING!
We are so humbled when Dad moves in our presence. We didn't do much more than gather the sheep and ask some fellow workers to give them some hay... and our Father changed lives. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but Spirit gives birth to spirit. How grateful we are that the Spirit has given us new life! Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross. And praise God for raising Him from the dead.
Yes, Lola, it is cool that Jesus will never die again.
He lives!
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